Don’t Concern Yourself With That Book

He knelt down on one knee, held my hand and looked up at me.

Even though he did not have to, he bowed down like a knight who only served me. Hernan who was looking at me again, smiled as sweet as honey. But it soon twisted sadly.

“It’s your smile.”

The noble white duke said as he knelt down on his knees with an old fountain and unkept garden as his backdrop.

“If I could just see your smile, I would do anything.”

He looked like a knight who was waiting till the day I would grab the hand of salvation he was offering me.

And finally, he let out the truth that I refused to admit.

Ah. But why did he not tell me this when I was dying.

With a frown and a glare, I clenched my fist.

In a completely different timeline, he was looking at me with a new expression.

“Ha, haha. Hahaha.”

Why did I feel so lonely and sad when the sun was so warm? Branches were spotting buds, dandelions were already in bloom and the statues of angels that were cracked still managed to shine a happy smile. They all looked so happy except me.

My eyes wandered for a long time as if they were lost. This abandoned garden. The memories of running away and dying, I already knew but I looked away. Whatever happened back then was already different in this world.

‘Ahah.’

Finally, as I stared at the statue of the knight created by the brilliant light, the resentment that had been piling and piling inside of me burst out all at once. Everything felt so short and sad.

“You’ll do anything for me if I just smile?”

How, had I already lost the subject of my resentment?

“Yes.”

There was no room for me anywhere.

With a sigh, I spoke to the man who stared at me unwaveringly.

“… How can I believe you?”

How could I?

I thought my messed up brain was going to explode because I could not stand the confusion.

Indeed, the Gods were unkind and cruel. I thought everything could disappear if I could just die now. No. Nothing would change.

“I have granted my loyalty and honor to my master. But I can give you the rest of my remaining life.”

I finally took a step back without answering him and covered my eyes.

“I would like to return.”

He pulled at my wrist painlessly.

“… I shall escort you.”

Without knowing if it was actually a hand of salvation or a trap hiding behind its mask, I turned my eyes away. It felt fleeting.

“There’s no need.”

Spring was arriving. The feeling of desolation emanating from a garden with no flowers felt like me. Hernandez slowly brought his hands together and closed his eyes.

“… I want to be by your side.”

I knew that he was no longer the person who had abandoned me. He could have been serious this whole time unless he was a born actor. But then what did it all mean?

The leaves rustling against the blowing wind along with the cool air that the wind brought, My garden which could be considered old based on its appearance and the white sunlight shining on it did not suit the arrival of spring. The noble man who promised to give me anything, placed his forehead on my hand.

But I turned my eyes away as if it had been none of my business. It felt like I was watching everything happen behind a block of glass. Everything looked blur yet picturesque.

At one point, I had promised my maid that I would protect her from harm. Such a promise had disappeared the moment I saw the maid die for the 39th time.

I slowly opened my eyes from the memories that shaped me.

I was sorry for their sorrow but that promise now meant nothing to me, just like the starry night sky.

***

“My hands are shaking.”

I winced.

My shoulders hurt. Since I could not gauge pain well, I could only guess that this was a cramp.

“Amadema?” (1)

I had been practising how to drink tea gracefully for the past 2 hours. Since she was speaking in modern tongue, almost everything was incomprehensible to me. But this was something I had to do currently so I had to carry it out without complaint.

“Well, yes. I was not thinking of anything else.”

“Yes, Princess. Of course.”

Later this year, a coming-of-age ceremony would be held to judge all the higher-class noble women. The war to pass the examination began. Be it supervision, management or proper etiquette, classes held by Duchess Aventa for the respective subjects continued.

“When holding our own banquets, we need to learn and know about the ingredients used in the courses and be able to explain them well. You should be able to recite poems in both the Imperial and Modern Languages. Sometimes, we would have to submit our own poems as well.”

The examination would be held in the last month of this year but there was a reason why I was dying as I improved my skills so early. Because I had a lot to learn.

Being able to play musical instruments was the standard. Being able to sing was better. However, it was not recommended for me to learn how to sing as there were many templars who had talents in singing.

Being able to speak was fundamental. As a lady, I should be able to lead conversations with the other ladies.

‘Knowing the latest fashion trends and dresses in the Empire is a viable option for me to take.’

I had not known but I had quite an important role in society. It was Imperial women who started fashion trends in the Empire.

It was said that all the women of the Empire would copy the hairstyles and clothing of the Imperial women who had been carved into statues placed in public spaces and the faces of the coins.

In short, the Empire’s trendsetter was the Princess. Though that was not what my etiquette teacher told me. It must have been because of my face.

No matter what anyone asked me, I had to be prepared to give an answer so I had to know and learn more than the average person. It felt like I was a high school senior being told by my teacher that I had to raise my grades by two levels with only 3 months left until the SATs.

I did not know why the author had created such a cruel worldview.

The cultural powerhouse, Walter’s culture, have been eroding our Empire and threatening our traditions. That was why both Walter and the Empire were held in great regard. I had to learn about both their cultures.

I could not get angry at the etiquette teacher who gave up teaching me one day. That person, I mean, that human had spat on my face and did not teach me anything useful.

‘Does she know how it feels to learn everything from scratch!’

I had to write my general opinion on the tax papers that Penne handed me now but I did not have time because of all this ‘etiquette’!

“I think you’re already familiar with the etiquette for drinking tea and tea times.”

The gentle-looking Duchess of Aventa was unexpectedly stern. She had a presence I could not ignore even when she was smiling.

With a long face, I nodded as I readjusted my position before I could slide off the chair. There were various kinds of tea, teaware and ornaments.

‘… I think I have drunk half of those teas and spit them out in the bowl next to me already.’

If I had known about this, I should have paid close attention when Fleon had been talking about tea. How would I have known that a day would come when I had to memorise each of their names?

‘Being an adult is so terribly difficult…’

First of all, I was now 17. As I have become an adult on paper, I had some fortune to my name. And that would be this palace. I had inherited this palace from my mother, the concubine Auresia, making this palace now completely my own. It was only then did the study that only Auresia could use become available to me. Today marked two weeks since we moved our lessons to be held here.

“By the way, this place remained mostly the same.”

The Duchess grabbed her clothes enough to wrinkle them as she looked into the far distance. As if her mind had drifted to the Louvre Museum. The pleated Ionian dress looked good on her and was elegant. In addition, it showed off her nobility.

Would I soon leave for a place filled with people like her?

I looked at the Duchess filled with things to say but then shifted my gaze to the garden.

“Because it’s a place people don’t look for.”

She stared out into the palace as she replied half in a daze.

I had been told that silver plum blossoms, boxwood, laurels, ivies and arkansuses had been planted there. There were also some weeds growing in some places but it could be perhaps due to the maids planting them in a rush. The maids had apologised for the rushed work but I thought it looked nice and natural especially with the weeds.

Actually, my life was very much like a weed.

“The room, looks like its owner.”

“I’m not sure about that since this used to be my mother’s. It had only been a month since this was handed to me.”

“Maybe that’s why your face looks so bright to me.”

There was a large curtain drawn in the study and behind that curtain was a secret space. We were currently in that space.

“However, this room will soon resemble you, my lady.”

If this study were to become an open space for outsiders to visit, then the space behind the curtain was a private space. I heard that it was made to be comfortable for when the owner of the palace would like to take a break from work.

I had been taught that only the Princess was allowed inside and no one below her status was allowed to enter. Hence, at the Duchess’ suggestion, we were left alone in the study.

“Oh dear, it’s already been a month and half since I started teaching you Amadema.”

“It’s been that long already?”

“Yes.”

Turning my head around, I shifted my gaze and stared into the warm-coloured ones.

“I am grateful to the Duchess of Aventa.”

When I was given a lady-in-waiting, I was told I had to respect her because I had been given a teacher. Now it finally felt like I was paying for my own taxes.

“I don’t think so.”

She smiled tenderly.

The space was surrounded by white pillars with greenery revealing itself between them. Maybe that was why I could feel the cool wind.

The hallway which had the pillars standing side by side combined with the fresh breezes of cool air created a gentle and comfortable atmosphere. The space that had been in disrepair ever since Auresia abandoned it had been renovated beautifully after a month.

“Though I might not be a professional in teaching, in my eyes, you are someone capable of becoming a proper lady.”

Of course, it would be good for me to be able to use this place from now on.

“So, starting tomorrow, they’re going to send a new child to replace me.”

“Do you mean a new lady-in-waiting?”

“That’s right, my smart lady.”

The Duchess was telling me that her role was complete.

‘Well, this meant that she was leaving the rest to the new lady-in-waiting.’

At the end of a month’s work, I looked at the woman’s face. If she was able to stick with me till the end of my training, I would have considered her to be truly a tough woman. But would someone like her honestly be willing to work under a princess like me?

Though I thought I survived fiercely so far, I realised that I had a lot to learn after the Duchess began visiting me. There had been a big gap in my education. I honestly thought that having only a month with her was not enough.

I used to think it would have been good to have been treated like a useless Imperial who had let alone a duty and just played around. Back then, I spent everyday making vague plans on how I was to escape this Empire one day.

‘That’ll be when the Empire begins its ruin.’

Sometimes I would wonder. If I survived and survived again, what would be left for me in the end?

If dreams, hopes and ideals were nourishment that helped people grow, then would I not be just barren dry land?

T/N:

(1): I’m pretty sure this has turned up in a but I seriously have no idea what this word is? I searched it up in latin and greek as well. So for now I’ll leave it in its romanised version and if there’s any explanations in the future, I’ll replace it.