Don’t Concern Yourself With That Book

“I’m sorry, sorry…”

I wished there had been a better way. If only I had been smart enough to think of a brilliant solution, I would not have needed to foolishly die over and over again.

I felt sorry for her. She was left in shock because of my plan and I worried that the trauma would remain with her for a long time.

She might have looked mature but Rebecca was still young. She was a decade younger than my past self. A young girl who was not used to seeing blood.

However, strangely enough, though my eyes did not shed tears, a fountain of relief sprung from my heart and its waters flowed everywhere. It was a relief how no one died and everyone was still alive.

I was sorry.

I did not have time to tell her every step of my plan.

My mind was left in a flurry. At the whispering nightmares, I closed my eyes.

I was a bad person and I was only getting worse. It would be fine even if she was to resent me one day.

I had taken advantage of her death. Even though she did not die in the end, the fact that I used her did not change.

“D-d-don’t get angry…”

As she held onto me, trying to keep calm, I spoke each and every word with my utmost effort. She did not even realise I was talking to her.

“If I had not pushed you away, you would’ve died. How could I stand by to watch…”

I was serious. If I had not pushed her away, if I had not given up my arm, Rebecca would have died instantly with just a smack to her chest. I had no choice but to sacrifice myself if I did not want her to get hurt. If only I had been a strong enough warrior, I could have ended everything with just a flick of a hand. But this was the best I could do because I was so weak.

“… You silly thing. Your body is more precious.”

Rebecca reached out slowly and touched my cheek.

Her fingertips were cold and the smile on her lips were chilling. But with eyes that seemed to have an unknown depth to them, she spoke.

“Silly thing… I wonder if you’re being naive or ignorant.”

Rebecca looked at me blankly. As if she was looking at something incomprehensible. The tears hanging from the tip of her chin dropped. But the unknown within her black eyes were as eye catching as the stars.

Wincing, the girl patted me. Surprised that she had done it unconsciously, I held her hand weakly. I had a hunch.

This arrogant girl must have seen something in me. I was sure that in her eyes, I looked as if I had been ready to die and threw myself to save her. That had filled her heart with gratitude and a debt to me that she could never forget.

I stared straight at Rebecca.

Look at me.

I had actually already made up my mind but I was trying hard not to regret my decision. In fact, I had no clue whether the fact that Rebecca met me before the person she was supposed to love would be a good thing. What if she were to die because of me? Even now, this would have never happened to her if she had not met me. But I was no longer going to falter.

“Please try to heal, mistress.” (1)

It would be fine if I could just protect everyone.

Even if I were to die in their stead.

“… Yeah.”

I leaned against Rebecca and closed my eyes. After a while, I opened my eyes and stared at the ground. I felt like smiling.

The future, was something I could use.

***

“… You’re hurt.”

“… Yeah. Actually, this hurts a lot. So let’s just hang out another time.”

“Haah. You’re enduring it well. This can only be considered amazing.”

“… I’m good at dealing with pain. Are we hanging out at the greenhouse next time?””

“I’ll think about it once I get better.”

Rebecca sighed. It looked like she had a lot on her mind. Why was Rebecca looking at me as if I was her little sister telling her I wanted to change my elective course just before the college entrance exams?

Lord Ray lifted me up.

‘Ah, right. He was here.’

I raised my head to keep him in my line of sight. Lord Ray did not say a word and neither did he look at me.

I wondered why he looked angry.

“… I’m fine, Lord Ray.”

I raised the arm that was not injured and touched his cheek slightly. Rebecca was the one sobbing the most and yet she was the one who remained the most unscathed.The pain of my wound felt as if my arm was being stuck to the handle of a pot filled with boiling water. I had been bitter about the pain just a little while ago but now the pain was gradually settling down and frankly speaking, had become more tolerable.

It did not hurt. I kept telling him that it did not hurt, did I not? How many times had I lived even after experiencing excruciating pain? Lord Ray who had been silent finally looked down to meet my eyes.

Startled, I flinched.

His gaze was fierce and he was seething as if something had been stolen from him. Something was burning and wavering in his cold navy eyes.

“… Please stop speaking.”

Lord Ray, why was he looking at me like that?

“I’ll bring the medication.”

I gave Lord Ray a glance before looking down slowly to stare at my wound. Well, was this a situation that could be fixed with medication?

It looked like the wound I had after being stabbed by Castor. A cleric would be more effective.

“Lord.”

This would only be more complicated if he called for Fleon or Dane.

“Don’t tell anyone.”

Lord Ray stared at me silently.

“What do you mean?”

“You know what I meant.”

“…..”

“This wound. I don’t care what you do just don’t tell anyone about this.”

Tuk. Tuk tuk.

He unbuttoned my cuffs,

“I wonder since when does a wound that covered a whole arm be considered ‘fine’.”

Lord Ray spoke as if he had chewed and spat out every single word.

“Listen, I just don’t want Fleon and Dane to worry.”

“Do you even have time to think about other people when you’re in this state? How amazing.”

“Lord Ray, don’t be sarcastic. I’m really fine.”

“Miss Ashley!”

He raised his head in a hurry.

“Why do you not understand that the problem is that you think this is fine!”

He exclaimed harshly.

He skillfully ripped off my torn sleeves and wiped the wound. He placed herbs on top of my wound before wrapping bandages around it. He was holding my arm but he was careful not to pull it more than needed.

Unlike his cautious movements, his face was stiff.

“Princess.”

After completing simple first aid on my arm, he stared at me.

“Ha-”

Staring at me for a moment, he stretched his arm out and grabbed the headboard.

“Damn, Princess.”

“Speak.”

He stiffened when I grabbed the hem of his clothes with my unharmed arm. He pondered over his words for a while before raising his arm.

“… I’ve only done first aid so you urgently need more treatment.”

He stared at me persistently before looking away and forcing himself to speak calmly.

“You seem to be forcing yourself because this is not a wound anyone can just endure.”

“I know.”

“Do you really?”

Lord Ray looked down at me.

“… Then why are you so reckless?”

He bowed his head.

“I didn’t want to argue with you when you’re already so beat up but I have no choice.”

His arms grabbed my sides. Lord Ray’s gaze did not leave mine for even a second, enrapturing me in his gaze without giving me a chance to escape to a corner.

“Since when have you been so good at holding in your pain? You who used to be unable to hold your tears back just by falling down?”

The fire in the fireplace burned away lighting his dark and dim eyes.

“I wonder when you’ve changed to someone I don’t recognise. This… Can you please tell me I have been mistaken?”

The way he captured me in his gaze as well as his low voice made him look as if he would not back down easily.

‘How dizzying.’

Slowly, I came up with a variety of excuses. What would be the most appropriate thing to tell Ray now? However, my mind only got dizzier.

“You know, Lord Ray.”

“Please go ahead.”

“I know you’re suspicious and you have a lot to say.”

I was faintly dizzy. The way my body was reacting to the wound did not seem to be because of the pain.

“Right, Lord Ray, you can just rely on me.”

In the middle of my sentence, I lowered my head just as something firm supported me.

“But please listen to me. I honestly did not think this would have gone so far. Just know that I too am shocked. I’m now a patient. I almost died.”

I closed my eyes for a moment because of the dizziness.

It sounded like he clicked his tongue. He sounded as grumpy as the time I had sided with Fleon during their little arguments. In fact, I had been prepared to have been hurt even worse.

‘Honestly, I had not expected Lord Ray to do anything…’

Even when I brought Lord Ray into this, I believed that he would not be surprised by anything that could happen. That was what I thought he would be like based on what I had seen from him.

“Where are you heading, Miss Ashley?”

He leaned against a pine tree standing in a wide field. Back when he was even younger than he was now, he was even more stiff which made him harder to get along with. However, after some time, I found his dry and silent personality reliable.

So this was nothing like the Lord Ray I knew.

“Should I not call for your help from now on…”

“… What?”

“… Ah.”

I accidentally said my thoughts out loud.

“Again. Could you repeat that again?”

He pulled me up and stared at me in the eye. His face showed no signs of laughter and his expression remained stiff.

“Are you trying to keep me away from you?”

“No, that’s not what I meant… You’re right. I hadn’t expected Lord Ray to be so angry.”

“You always think of yourself like that.”

He growled.

“You had never wanted your brothers or myself to stick our noses into anything you do. Am I wrong?”

I froze.

“Looking at your expression, I must be right. Are you determined to keep your mouth shut forever? Was my concern about you so shocking that you have to turn me away?”

He wailed.

“Or do I not mean anything to you?”

“Lord.”

“No, you don’t need to answer.”

He bit his lower lip slightly.

“This had always been the case. You never answer me.”

He spoke as he fixed his posture.

I lowered my head and raised my gaze.

“Are you mad?”

“…I’m not.”

Lord Ray closed his eyes and shook his head roughly.

“I believe in you, Lord Ray.”

He sighed with a smile. As if he could see inside me.

“Without you, I would have died, Lord Ray.”

I whispered to him with the intention of soothing his anger but I meant everything I said.

‘I should tell him something, even if it was just a little bit.’

He had been paying close attention to me all this while. And I had not thought about him at all. Not even in the slightest.

‘And the Lord did not ask me a thing.’

He had given up on receiving an answer from me. Did that mean he was not curious? I closed my eyes for a moment before grabbing his sleeve. I realised my arms were twitching as the aftershock of the pain kicked in late.

“… Do you want to know why I’m doing this, Lord Ray?”

“Yes, I do.”

I smiled bitterly and lowered my gaze. He thought I was strange for speaking as such.

T/N:

sorry this was a little late

(1): Rebecca should be calling Ash mistress. If she calls her anything else, it’s a mistake hehe.