Don’t Concern Yourself With That Book

“… It’s bitter.”

“Medicine that’s good for you is usually bitter to the tongue. You should be grateful for the rest of your life. You just ate something no one else can.”

He smirked. I felt a little embarrassed. I was not even a middle school child but I was complaining about how bitter the pill was.

I waited for the bitterness to subside and when I opened my eyes again, he was staring at me with his face tilted.

“Now, tell me the reason.”

It felt like I had been mistaken about how I had seen his expression soften before. His face had turned fierce like a hawk aiming for its prey. I was confused.

‘It had been nice to see him so nice just now.’

Being on the receiving end of his sharp gaze and voice, I tried to speak up but before I could, he let out a frosty warning.

“Don’t tell me you’re going to gloss over what happened. I might really get angry if you do.”

I shook my head gently. There was no need to lie. I was not even aware of half the truth. Furthermore, he was my sole comrade.

“Why would I lie to brother about something you already know? I’m sure you already know that I can see the future. That was how I knew the hounds would show up that day.”

“Then why didn’t you try to avoid them?”

“I could have… but there was a reason I had to go to the garden. Yeah, there was something like that.”

I smiled forlornly.

“I can foresee not only my death but the ones of those around me. Funnily enough… If I don’t save the people I see in my future, they can really die.”

“…..”

“… I couldn’t… let it go. She’s someone important to me. Brother, my lady-in-waiting would have died that day if I hadn’t saved her. Can’t you see that?”

He raised his eyebrows gracefully as if gesturing to me to continue. At that moment, I had to force my mouth that would not move to speak.

“I used my powers to see the future. And with what I knew, I wanted to win over Rebecca, my lady-in-waiting.”

“… By saving her life?”

I slowly raised my head.

“Yes.”

I would admit that I had not been this direct of a person in my previous life. I had always hid and cornered myself so I always found moments like these where I had to tell the truth painful and difficult. My cheeks were burning up as if my skin was about to peel off and my ears were turning red as well.

I was afraid of this person’s reaction. If time were to ever rewind and I was forced to live through that moment again, I would rather shut my mouth than to confess again.

I had already used up all my courage the day I had told Amor I could tell the future.

Fortunately, that day was not erased from this world. However, I did not think I could ever tell anyone else in the future after using up all my courage to overcome my hesitation that day.

That was why I did not want him to fault me. Because he was my only comrade. He was precious to me. Please do not make me lose my courage.

Looking up at him, I spoke rather quickly.

“Don’t fault me, brother.”

I did not choose to walk this path because I wanted to. If only I could choose but there was nothing else I could do. I gulped down my rising discomfort.

“What… What else could I do? Could you ignore and give up on the light shining right in front of you, brother? When nothing is clear to you yet? Brother, you’re also living a dog’s life everyday.”

Just like him, I had firmly made up my mind. Rebecca was going to become an important chess piece. Aside from my personal feelings of pity for her, Rebecca would be of great help in making my way through the world where I was still ignored as a princess.

So it would only be beneficial to keep her by my side. That was why I did something so cruel to her.

“I didn’t want to continue living my life calculating and weighing my gains against my losses. But I had been driven to the edge of the cliff and this was what I’ve become.”

I had been pretending to be fine, but I was not. I had never been alright.

I covered my eyes like I was going to cry.

“Look. Look at me. Brother. Do you see this hand? I have nothing. I’ve only a handful of things but I can’t even protect what I have…”

Now that I was calculating my gains and losses through human life, I had become exactly like that diary I had so despised and hated. But I had turned a blind eye to that fact. I had to do this to prepare for the day that Castor returns. Without admitting to myself, I was living pitifully. That was why I kept saying that this had been inevitable.

I was begging him. Please. He was the only one who could not fault me.

Do not glare at me so intensely. Please.

“Is that all you have to say. You’re so stupid, you’ve left me speechless. You’ve gone mad. I’m sure you are. Your reasons are completely unjustified. A total sham. What’s so good about that lady-in-waiting that you got hurt like this!”

He exploded in anger.

“You moron!”

He massaged his face in anger and I whipped out my tongue sharply.

“Then what does that make me? I wanted her on my side! I need her on my side and I need her a lot. I have to become stronger but all I have is batshit!”

When I looked up, I noticed Amor was still looking at me. I could not hear his breath but I could feel it brushing past my skin.

“You have me!”

“Lies. Brother, you still suspect me!”

Amor grabbed his face while letting out an irritated sigh. Just then, a gust of wind blew causing the curtains and both our hair to flutter. I could not see anything. I closed my eyes and moved my hair out of the way as they draped over my face before opening them again.

Amor stood still like a statue. He just stood there but he looked fleeting like sand that would ultimately be swept away by the waves.

I slowly reached my hand out to him but he grabbed my wrist tightly before I could. I looked at my wrist before looking at Amor who was holding it. His face was like the sky and at the same time, looked like the spindle wheel from fairytales. He was smiling coldly

“You. If I trust you with all my heart, will you stop doing things like this?”

I blinked slowly. Maybe he really was angry. I did not know why but Amor looked like a child who was learning how to express his emotions for the first time. He looked like a wounded animal drowning in a flood of sorrow.

“Answer. What if I give you all my heart.”

He growled fiercely with his lowered voice.

“I’m asking you, will you jump in to save some wench?”

My mind was a mess. Was he still not wary of me? Was he not still gauging how much he should trust me? Why was he willing to give me all of his heart? His green eyes reflected the moonlight and gazed upon me tenderly.

‘But he still looked so fierce.’

I did not want him to be so vulnerable to me. I mean, it was alright for him to be vulnerable. And I was alright with looking forward to it. But I did not like how he acted just now. Because if he looked this sad, my heart would only drop. What did he want me to do? Was he trying to figure out he could use me so he told me he was going to give me all his heart first?

“Fine. Forget it.”

Looking at him blink at him foolishly, Amor smiled like a flower about to drop off its pestle.

I no longer had any reason to pretend in front of him anymore. But I was sure he knew as well that I had my boundaries.

Or maybe I was wrong?

He had been cooped up in the hands of people who had used him for all his life. Frankly, given his circumstances, I would have fully understood if he had kept me at arm’s length due to his suspicions.

“I’ve talked nonsense.”

He crossed his arms and tilted his head. I could see something like a mole under his collarbone.

“Let’s call it a day.”

His skin glowed pale and white under the moonlight. He looked out the window at the forest which was a distance away before turning his gaze at me.

“That wound will heal in two hours. Just keep that in mind.”

With his gaze lowered, he finally let go of my wrist.

“What about brother? Will my brother get hurt? Are you safe like this?”

The wind blew through the open window, fluttering his white robe as if they were feathers.

When I opened my eyes, Amor was staring at me as a white bird flew to his side.

It was a familiar bird.

“There’s nothing for you to worry about. ‘He’ will take care of everything.”

Amor reached out and tried to pet the bird. But the bird climbed onto Amor’s shoulders and pecked him with its beak before chirping loudly. It looked like the bird was sighing.

When the bird’s head lifted again, it looked at me. When I saw his eyes, it reminded me of the clear blue sky.

“… What’s that bird?”

“Someone looking over you. And someone who will turn a blind eye to the atrocities committed today.”

Chirp! The bird cried loudly and pecked him. Amor burst into laughter as he stared at the bird.

“If you zip your mouth now, you’ll never know. Don’t you think so?”

“Is that… a person?”

Then with a cold yet gentle expression, he spoke.

“Yes, the bird’s a person.”

I was confused when I noticed the familiar bird.

“The bird is a person. What does that mean?”

“Well.”

Whilst in a garden filled with plants that sprouted like it had been a fantasy, Amor smiled dreamily like a cloud.

His eyes lowered as his gaze reminded me of the deep sea and it looked cold. As his azure hair fluttered, he looked like a fairy that descended down to earth. Suddenly, he swept his hand through his hair roughly before walking through the room that had now become a cradle of flowers and trees, He smiled fiercely.

“So brother’s ‘eyes’ and ‘ears’ are here.”

The bird flapped its wings.

He tilted his head with a big smile.

“Brother’s eyes and ears came here today just for you. You can be considered quite an amazing lady too.”

Under the pale moonlight, Amor’s eyes resembled the finest and prettiest leaves and shone. As soon as he took a step, the plant shrivelled up as if whatever happened had been just a dream. Wherever his gaze landed, the vines shrunk back and the flowers withered. In the graves of the many flowers and plants, he blinked slowly.

“You’ll soon find out who this bird is. He’ll reveal himself.”

The space in which the plants had disappeared felt empty now. Only the fallen leaves and branches were any indication that this had been a garden just a little while ago.

“Just tell me this one thing.”

My heart was pounding but I felt fine. The reason why he came here whilst in pain. The reason why he showed up here despite all the risks. Why did Amor come here?

“… Does my brother really like me now?”

“…..”

He curled the corners of my mouth slyly.

“What does it look like?”

Petals fluttered atop his head.

“This is everything I’ve got to show.”

T/N:

olala~~