Don’t Concern Yourself With That Book

“Hernandez!”

“I-I-I’m alright…”

His throat began to glow in red. The fascinatingly red energy gradually condensed to form thorns that tied around his neck like a thorn.

“Have you ever, even once, felt something strange? Cough. I know I don’t deserve to ask but do you really not have a templar’s powers?”

“What are you talking about? What templar’s powers, I don’t have any of that!”

I wished so much to have powers like Castor, Amor and the maid I met in the laundry place a long time ago. I might not have suffered like this if I had been a templar. But I was seriously given a shitty body.

‘No, hold on.’

Was that really true?

Why was I able to teleport?

At that moment, he let out a groan.

“Are you alright?’

“I-I-I’m alright. Please continue…”

Looking as if he was in great pain, he grabbed his neck. He coughed and choked on his breath harshly before asking me to continue talking. I shook my head but he held my hand before saying that this was the only chance. I closed my eyes tightly. Why was he even doing this?

“… What conspiracy? Do I have any special powers?”

“There is this curse that penetrates people’s souls… that… I know about. Cough. But I don’t know much about it. I think such a curse had been placed on you.”

“… So this scar is evidence of that attempt? And as a result, I was cursed?

“Yes…”

“What kind of curse is it?”

“… That.”

Just then, the thorn began to emanate an even redder light before tightening around Hernan’s throat. He let out a groan that sounded like nothing before.

“No, don’t tell me! The more you talk about it, the more pressure that thing places on you, right?”

A gust of wind blew past us. For a moment, he looked very pained and sad. With his pale face, he lowered his head before looking up to stare at me again.

For a moment, he reminded me of how he saved me more than two years ago, and as a result ended up covered in his own blood. It looked painful. I did not know why I felt guilty whenever I saw him.

“What the hell is that? The thing that’s bothering you.”

“[Templar’s constraint]. It is a powerful constraint placed on templars to protect secrets. Once I began confessing, a signal was sent to the caster.”

“If you’re talking about the caster…”

“It’s His Highness.”

He let out a faint smile.

“Maybe I’ll be punished.’

“… Will you die?”

Drip drop. Blood dripped down his fingers.

“No, it might be a bit painful for me but I won’t die.”

A red flower was blooming over the white tunic he was wearing. He spoke softly.

“I’m someone His Highness still needs.”

The way he treated his body was terribly cold but he made it sound like it was not a big deal. The trees swayed back and forth, creating a unique foliage.

“… Why are you doing all this? Why are you breaking a taboo to help me?”

I tried to see Hernan’s expression but I could not see his face under the shadows.

“You don’t have to do all this. Why can’t you just lie to me comfortably and avoid the pain?!”

He approached me slowly. It was so dark I could only make out his eyes from the faint blue light they were emanating.

“Are you still acting in front of me…? I really can’t tell what kind of person you are.”

In the <The Light of Rusbella>, Hernandez was Castor’s close friend and loyal guardian. His role in carrying out and supporting Castor’s madness directly contradicted his character. He was the tyrant’s sole supporter. A man without his own definitions. A flat and boring character.

“You wouldn’t have believed me if I hadn’t done this.”

He tried to continue but the thorns that were wrapped around his neck seemed to no longer allow it. He seemed to have already noticed. He muttered bitterly. His blood was still dripping. I wanted him to tell me a little more. As a cold gust of wind blew into my heart, I shivered.

‘No.’

I held back my desires. I did not want to be like Castor even if I were to die as a result.

Worries added on to my worries. Castor’s guardian and I had a past. What happened to the man who was supposed to be blindly loyal and faithful to Castor? What made him go against such an unwavering faith?

I looked down and tried to look into his eyes.

“I… want to be of help to you. But I feel ashamed of how my existence seemed to be a bother to you. Funnily enough.”

He grabbed my hand.

“But what do I do with this irrational desire to be around you?”

His expression was filled with vulnerability, pain and sadness though he managed to erase the sadness from his expression at the end. Only his white hair was glowing in the darkness. The unruly trees around us swayed as the wind blew.

“Princess.”

After catching his breath, he smiled softly.

“I like you.”

With a smile, he lowered his bloodied hand and grabbed mine with the other.

It felt like the ground I was standing on was cracking violently and about to give way beneath me. I was being shaken. I was being shaken because I did not know if what was waiting beneath me was a flower garden or hell.

Alright, I should face it. Not only was I alone in this world, I had always been left alone in the dark without knowing anything about the truth.

The truth he uttered sounded sweet.

‘Run away.’

In an abandoned forest, my back felt empty. There were plenty of paths I could take to run away. As long as I tell him not to chase after me, he would not.

‘If I scream right now, someone might even come running.’

He might be humiliated in the face of defamation. But this was just a stopgap. It was just a quick escapade.

‘I’ve had enough of running away.’

“I have no way of controlling your feelings.”

I grabbed his hand.

“I respect your intentions and your desire to be with me. But I think the way you’re so desperate for me is abominable and suffocating. Do you love me?”

“… No.”

“Right, that couldn’t be.”

His azure blue eyes turned dark, coloured by various emotions.

“My heart for you does not dare to immerse itself in love. I…”

He bit his lips.

I looked down at him haughtily from above and managed to at least convince him the feelings head for me was not love. His feelings for me were never sweet, affectionate or cozy. It felt like he was doing things out of a sense of responsibility and guilt. And I was sure he was carrying something within him in his distressed eyes.

“Is it because of your guilt?”

Hernan smiled bitterly. Words he could not say seemed to be replaced by his smile that looked as precarious as a tower threatening to topple at any moment.

“Yes, if that’s how you’d like to think of it.”

A shadow approached us. A bright light poured down on us as we stood under a lush tree but he remained in the darkness alone.

“Don’t you need a place to stand tall in?”

Perhaps he created these feelings and thoughts he had about me when he saw me.

“Stand tall? I’m the princess.”

In my short life, I learnt that there was no such thing as a favour without a favour in return. Even the purest forms of love would expect such a fulfilment.

“I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about giving you a status where it makes it impossible for anyone to talk bad about you.”

“Power?”

His feelings for me were shallow and might fade quickly. Yes, this was what I expected. I already had that wild guess about him.

“Yes. Would you like to use me for that?”

I spoke up.

“Why should I use you?”

What if he had approached me in ignorance and said the same thing before he had any part in my death?

“You’ll be borrowing the Crown Prince’s name. Do you hate that?”

“…..”

The result would have been the same. I did not believe in favours that ask for nothing in return. I had to take time and build our relations one by one. Because that was the foundation of any relationship to prevent any misconceptions.

“Please use me.”

My relationship with Hernan felt like a major exam that I was completely not familiar with. I did not know why he was doing me so many favours. And I would never be able to guess his intentions.

“It’s a relationship where you can use me whenever and do whatever you want with me.”

I smiled.

“I believe you.”

Faith was so fleeting.

“I have sinned against you long ago. You don’t know and I’ll be the only one who knows. Eternally. However, I’ll never commit that same sin against you again.”

Well, he was Castor’s knight so that was bound to have happened.

“I’ll face you directly.”

Not long ago, on the day Hernan knelt before me, I did not touch him. It was because my heart had become desolate. On that day, although he made himself known to be different from the other times he remained a ‘bystander’, he still left me with a sense of futility.

“I don’t want to give you anything.”

“I know. You don’t have to give me anything in return.”

“If you get hurt by Castor because of me, I won’t care.”

“He knows too. So it does not matter.”

I did not know the ‘dangers’ I would bring by grabbing the hand in front of me. Maybe I would be betrayed and die again.

‘But rather than going around society under Castor’s name…’

Hernan was better.

I looked at Hernan wearily.

“What do you want? A relationship where I only see you when I need you?”

“As long as you don’t push me away.”

Maybe I had gone crazy. Holding hands with someone who once stood in the sidelines as he watched my death.

However, in retrospect, I had always lived life like a gamble. Going to the laundry place. Saving Amor. Pretending to be an idiot. I had never done any of that with the conviction I would succeed.

If I had Hernan next to me, I could face the truth. Instead of listening to the things I want, I could obtain it.

It was well worth the gamble.

“Will you be alright? Even though I will not smile at you at all?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

Seeing from how he was gently replying, he seemed to be genuinely pleased.

“It’s fine if you don’t smile, It’ll be enough if you’re happy. You don’t have to show it to me. It’s fine if the distance between the princess and I does not narrow at all.”

“…..”

“I wouldn’t care if you were to be happy in exchange for my demise.”

It sounded sweet at first. Instead of instinctively rejecting him and distancing myself from him, this was a welcomed pleasure for me.

He would not care what I said and would only move for my happiness and gain.

“It doesn’t matter. Seriously.”

If only I could add love behind his actions, then he would really be a character in love.

T/N:

again… sorry it’s late. but thank you for the confirmation that hernan doesn’t actually love ash!!! i was so sus for like the past 30 chapters HAHA but i was too afraid to say it lest karma