Don’t Concern Yourself With That Book

[The 12th day of the Month of Helios.

I could not sleep today. I had eventually woken up in the middle of the night to the surrounding stillness.

As I stared at the moonlight pouring through the window, the thought of going for a night walk suddenly occurred to me.

I wondered why the knight who had always been guarding me told me to, no matter what, never come out at night. Would it be alright if I walked for just for a little while? Was it because the Founding Festival was coming soon? My heart kept pounding.

I could not stand it anymore before donning a shawl.

I had a feeling that I had to take this walk.]

Just like what the diary stated, it was a sleepless night. I took a walk after giving up on sleep that was never coming. I faced the figure in front of me in the dark night.

“Good night to you, Lord Ray.”

I greeted the dark man in front of me who pointed his sword at the fallen man.

“…..”

I really had not known that the person I was facing had been Lord Ray. I never imagined that the Lord Ray I knew would be the one standing in front of me. It was only much later did I feel something amiss with what had happened earlier.

“An amazing knight had appeared before us before disappearing again.”

No, he might not have intended to hide it from me. After thinking about it again, it was obvious.

“I’m not really sure but Lord Chosone seemed to know who he was. He said he was someone who had been kicked out of the Imperial Palace’s Central Division a long time ago. He did not explain any further aftwards.”

Assassins who visit me every night. But for some reason, I never met a single one. The diary had consistently warned me about assassins. However, why have I never seen them?

There were very few things in the palace that I was not aware of. However, what about the nights when I fall asleep?

Lord Ray stood in the space between the pond and the acacia tree.

“… Princess.”

“Yeah, this is your princess.”

The water was reflecting the moonlight like a mirror. A light breeze blew across the surface, creating ripples into the pond that looked like they were playing tag.

“I caught you, lord.”

The tall knight’s hair fluttered everywhere. In his silence, his eyes were shining like that of a nocturnal beast.

“I didn’t mean to hide this.”

His voice was low and soft but it was not hard to tell. He was caught off guard.

“Your clothes are all ruined, lord.”

I lifted my skirt so that it did not drag on the floor before walking towards the fallen assassin. I took a closer look to realise that he was still slightly breathing.

‘So it wasn’t a corpse.’

Dark clouds disappeared into the far corners into the sky letting the cold moonlight pour over us.

The garden was more of a mess than I thought. But he was not cruelly killed. He had been so neatly cut down and laid that I could see no blood.

I stared at the traces of red that soaked the small blades of grass before looking up.

“You’ve worked hard, lord.”

Looking at him at night, he was a real mess. His tunic was ruined. His sword was soaked in blood. Fortunately, it was not his blood. But he still looked like a mess.

After a while, I was given an answer. There were more people collapsed behind him. It would not have been easy for him to have quietly taken care of them one by one.

“Since when?”

“… From the start.”

His blunt voice was stiff.

“Always at this spot?”

“It’s always busy here.”

“How many?”

“I don’t know because I haven’t counted.”

This calm exchange between us continued for a long time.

‘Well? What’s this?’

I spotted something strange next to the person who collapsed.

‘… A necklace?’

There was something engraved on the flat surface. I had never seen this before. What was this? I could not see it well in the dark but I could tell that its end was sharp. It looked like it could be used as a weapon.

“… Do you know what you look like right now?”

“What’s wrong with me?”

He sighed before touching his forehead.

“Enough. Was that all you were curious about?’

“Yeah.”

“It might not be a sight for the frail princess to behold but you’re very calm.”

“I don’t know when I became Lord Ray’s frail princess but well.”

I shrugged my shoulders.

“If I have anything I’m curious about, will you answer me?”

He approached me with a serious expression.

“Do you think I’m hiding anything from you?”

“… Well, I don’t think so. But you haven’t told me anything, aren’t I right?”

“No. I have never once hidden things from you.”

I blinked before looking up at him. He stood against the backdrop of the dark sky and looked like a dark ink painting.

“… Did you not want to tell me?”

“Yes.”

He pulled me, who had been squatting down, towards the light. If it had been any other time, I would have thrown in a lame joke but I missed the timing. I finally realised that he looked like a different person.

“Would it be alright if I speak first? No, I won’t ask for permission.”

With two steps between us, he spoke clearly.

“I don’t know where to begin but well. It’s as you see.”

“… And what’s that.”

I glared at him critically.

“It’s hard to explain since I’m not the most eloquent. The first time I came against assassins was two years ago. And since then, I stopped them every night. That’s all.”

I stared at him calmly before nodding.

“Why are you not continuing?”

Instead of answering me immediately, Lord Ray stared into the air for a moment.

When I traced the direction of the gaze, it was a large tree. Was there something on the tree? Feeling my gaze, he shook his head as if to say that it was nothing.

“Are you curious?”

Then, he stared at the tree again.

I turned my head to stare at him again.

“Stop answering my question with more questions. Lord, you’re changing the subject.”

“That’s not true. That’s just what you think.”

“Lord Ray.”

At that moment, the shadows of the tree fluttered against the wind and his face filled my vision.

“So, shouldn’t you have been honest?”

I forgot what I wanted to say for a moment because of the cold light on my face.

“You were cowardly.”

He lowered his head at an angle before looking down at me. His eyes were deep and dark as if I was staring into the deep sea.

“What do you mean?”

“It’s exactly what it means. It’s selfish of you to expect others to be honest when you’re hiding everything.”

He glanced at me before blinking slowly.

“It’s been a while since I realised you weren’t a normal child.”

“If you’re talking about my capabilities…”

“That’s not what I mean. There were many things about you that were unlike that of a child’s. You tried not to show it but sometimes your calculations were revealed.”

Lord Ray did not show much interest in other people. And I knew that more than anyone else. Lena used to grumble about the fact that he could not remember her name after working together for so many years. He was a man of silence.

His words were always heavy when he spoke. I had always tried to read his mind but I could never read anything.

“Did you know, lord?”

“I knew it then. You grew up a little earlier than others.”

“…..”

“Everyone has their own reasons.”

“…..”

“That’s what you thought. You already built this massive wall around you and you’ve never let anyone in. But I thought it did not matter. I didn’t have the right to interfere. My role was just to protect you from external threats.”

“So?”

“… Did you know? That day in the month of Habermia four years ago. I often thought what would have happen if I had not followed Prince Dane.”

He twisted his face as if he was in pain.

“Then, I could have watched as you vividly continued to change.”

I took my eyes off him before lowering my head. I grimaced. This was not good.

“You looked empty inside even though you were smiling. Sometimes you looked like you were not here. I didn’t say a word because I thought that was who you really were.”

“…..”

“You care terribly about everyone. If I had left the assassins alone, someone would have gotten hurt so I stopped them.”

I was grateful to the fact that I could not see his expression in detail because it was dark here.

“You know, lord. On the 10th day of the month of Habermia four years ago, nothing happened to me. It’s just… Hannah got a little hurt.”

“Yes. Only one maid was hurt while you were destroyed.”

“Lord, no. Don’t say anything you want.”

“… If that’s what you’re ordering me to do.”

Lord Ray replied in silence.

“Would you like me to be honest? But have you been honest with me?”

Lord Ray stared at me before continuing calmly.

“Do you think it’s shameless of me, a mere knight, to dare ask? But do you blame me?”

I knew one thing was true. The collapsed assassin. He was deliberately standing so that I could not see the assassin.

Even while he was caring for me, he was indifferent and calm as always.

“… No, I… I didn’t want anyone to get hurt.”

“By hurting yourself? Do you think the people you’re protecting will be happy?”

I could not answer him. What would happen if I told him the whole truth? He would have probably thought that it would be too dangerous. And he would try to stop me from doing something. Then, I would have tried to do something by myself again.

“I can do it myself.”

“Could you handle all those assassins alone?”

But I had to admit that that was the one problem I could not resolve.

The palace I was staying in was right next to the Forbidden Forest. It was perfect for strangers to break into. The other palaces were far away and people who could protect me were far away as well. What could I have done?

The moonlight was too cold. It was too chilling and cold.

“I mean, lord, I must have been mistaken.”

I slowly lowered my gaze. Smiling sadly, I felt a gust of wind grazing my cheek.

“I guess I’m someone who couldn’t protect anything.”

He stretched his hand out to me.

“Don’t blame yourself. You couldn’t have done everything.”

He held my hand before speaking firmly. I suddenly stopped talking before looking up at him.

“… Wasn’t that too straightforward?”

T/N:

Woops sorry for the sudden hiatus but good news is that we’re back to our regularly scheduled updates. Sorry for disappearing without notice. Will make sure this doesn’t happen again T.T