Don’t Concern Yourself With That Book

Hernan’s gaze was visibly shaking from his words. I could feel him quickly glancing at me. He was already halfway from completely turning into a beast but his blue eyes were pulsating.

“You tried to protect this child, didn’t you? But once again, you’re too late. She managed to remember everything.”

Castor smiled calmly.

“Do you still have the right to protect her? You’ve already sworn to follow after me and be my knight a long time ago. You’ve made your choice.”

My fingernails dug into my palm. I was hoping that the throbbing pain would help wake me up. When I raised my head, the two men were stuck in a standoff. The black clothes they were both wearing, as if they had planned to match their outfits beforehand, blended seamlessly into the darkness.

His long toga brushed against the tips of his toes as the red mantle covering him up shook violently in the wind. However, the black and white strands of hair swaying in the wind did not stop them from glaring at each other. One was grimacing while the other was smiling without a care in the world. Though their clothes might be similar, their expressions couldn’t be any more different.

“Remember this, Ashley Rosé. You are looking at a beast that could never protect you.”

I could feel the walls against the tip of my toes. Castor walked past Hernan towards me. He leaned on the wall next to me before saying.

“Doesn’t it look hideous?”

He laughed as if he found it hilarious. Then, I whispered.

“… I find you more disgusting, Castor.”

“I’m the only one who knows how to break the curse.”

“Let me go.”

But unlike before, his gaze was cool and subdued.

“You can never break it.”

He brought his hand to his chest before muttering through his gritted teeth.

“I want you. So, be mine.”

I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t do anything but stare helplessly.

“… I know. You want me as much as I hate you. But I’ll find a way.”

The sound of his breaths soaked into my ears. His golden eyes crept closer towards me till our lips almost touched.

“… That’s strange.”

He glanced at me coldly. He looked a little hurried as if he had discovered something. Hurried? That was a word I would have never thought to describe him with.

“… Why? It’s the same…”

Even though I had my eyes closed, I could tell he was relentlessly looking for something in me.

But when I opened my eyes again, I noticed a distance between us. I could see the faint outline of his clothes in the dark but at the same time his black clothes looked like they were melting into the darkness.

Step step.

When he finally stopped walking, he arrived in front of the door. He muttered softly but I could hear him clearly saying.

“You make me anticipate your future. Whenever I’m with you, I am pulled out of my boredom. You hate me? Alright, but you’ll realise soon. How lonely that curse is… Ashley Rosé, you.”

For just a moment, he created a distance between us. He laughed. He turned his body away before smiling crazily. He was mesmerising.

“… You’ll come to me with your own two feet. Because I know the future.”

Boom.

The door closed, leaving me and a bloodied man behind.

Flop.

The waves were crashing towards me again. Castor had always been one step ahead of me. He could see what I couldn’t see and knew everything. To the point where I could do nothing but cling on as he continued to desire me. What was it? What did I not know and what did he have over me?

Drip drop.

My tears continued to fall on the ground. It was as if a dam had broken. The rain seemed to be only falling where I was. And the rain was pouring.

“Why…”

The melodious tunes scratched my eardrums once again. Because it felt as if everyone except for me was enjoying themselves. On such an enjoyable, beautiful day for the festival, I wondered why I was so unhappy as flower petals fluttered down beautifully like snow. No, was misfortune just a part of my life now?

“Why!”

At some point, Hernan had limped towards me and was lingering near me. The depth of his gaze looked endlessly filled with despair. At some point, even the faint purple light that had been surrounding me now disappeared and the only reason why I could see his blue eyes was now because of the cool moonlight. I spotted the full moon floating above his shoulders. Moonlight was pouring over us like oils melting on an oil painting. No, perhaps it looked like it was melting because of my tears.

“What did I do wrong…?”

It was as if the sky was shattering into pieces above me. Perhaps it wasn’t really the sky but the hope I had been trying to hold onto till the end. The hope that I could overcome this misfortune one day. The hope that I could endure everything as if it had been nothing. Why couldn’t I do it? Huh. Tell me. Hernandez.

“Tell me. What did I do wrong? Why do I have to keep going through this misfortune?”

“… You didn’t do anything.”

“Then, why!”

The day had been going on for too long. The sound of cheers pained me. How could people laugh like that and be so happy? My days of happiness felt so distant I could barely recall them. I have forgotten what it was like to smile. Perhaps I was finally facing what I had been avoiding for so long. How would someone as broken as me know herself? I scoffed.

“I can’t even die by myself.”

I would just regress if I die.

“You just watched when I died. It doesn’t matter if you can’t remember.”

He didn’t even ask what I was talking about.

“I think at one point, I had wanted you to remember. I thought it would be nice if in one of my infinite time loops, you would remember and apologise to me sincerely.”

Just imagining it made me lonely.

He slowly knelt on the ground. One of his hands still looked human but the other had morphed into something unlike a human’s, something more beastlike. He had raised his beastlike hand, as if out of habit, before realising what he did and raising his other hand instead.

“Is it already too late to apologise?”

“… What are you talking about?”

“Because the apology is coming from someone who doesn’t remember a thing? “

No, it was already too late.

“Even if you did remember, it’s meaningless.”

Even with tears in my eyes, I smiled before grabbing the hand he had stretched out towards my cheek.

“Why did you come forward so recklessly? You couldn’t save me anyway, Hernan.”

I wondered why. My voice was trembling when I spoke but I could only stare dryly at his naive expression.

Castor was going to kill me again. There’s no law stating that he wouldn’t do what he did to me twice, was there?

“I didn’t know I had been standing on the sidelines during your deaths. Did I do something wrong? I’m sorry… I… can’t remember anything.”

As he winced, I glanced at him. Don’t apologise to me. It means nothing to me. Because the past couldn’t be rewritten. All I could do was be unhappy. Even though it wasn’t his fault, I tugged on his clothes. I wept and I cried. I just burst into tears.

I had just been trying to survive. But why was I so unhappy?

It seems like I had a lot more tears than I thought I did. The tears flowing down my cheeks hung at the tip of my chin before falling off. Even though my face was in a mess, I spoke.

“Don’t apologise. There’s no point in apologising. Because you can’t remember it anyway.”

At that moment, both my hatred and resentment towards him had evaporated. All that remained was terrible fatigue and resignation. The torturous feeling of exhaustion only just hit me. It felt as if I was standing in front of the gaping entrance to hell as I wait for my head to get sliced off from my death penalty. What could I do with this hatred? This man couldn’t help me.

“I believe you.”

His face blurred. Strands of his white hair fell just past the tip of his nose, covering half his face. He bit his lips. I was wiping the tears off my face but it was useless because there were too many falling down at that point.

“Don’t cry.”

Hernan, who seemed sad to see me cry without any way to stop my tears, pulled me into his arms.

“Please, don’t look as if you’ve given up on everything… “

He whispered a sob. When he let out a breath, I could feel his head on my shoulder trembling gently. Why did he look more tortured than me? Why were his feelings pouring out of him like an endless stream of water and why were they directed towards me?

“Why? Do you believe me?”

Hernan slowly pulled apart from me before gently caressing the scar on my cheek since the bandage had been removed.

“My sins were what caused you this scar. It was back when my greed had blinded me.”

He confessed. His fingers that were as dry as a spider’s legs were trembling on my cheek.

“A long time ago, I had no idea what I was doing. I was a young templar who resented everybody who had anything to do with the destruction of my city.”

I knew Hernan’s voice. His voice had always been as soft and gentle as sunlight in spring. His eyes had always curled up as he flashed a smile on his beautiful face when he looked at me. But he no longer sounded kind. The tips of his fingers were freezing cold and he looked extremely pained.

“It had been my duty and my destiny to protect you but for just one time, I turned a blind eye to your protection. I thought that you’d still be able to live a good life if I let it go just once. They promised me that you’ll be happy.”

“… What are you talking about?”

He smiled weakly. Something flashed past his face. With the blood of an ancient beast coursing through his body, he was what others called a Templar of Beasts. Ever since they were born, every Templar of Beasts was destined to have a [Companion]. Without their companion, some had to adjust their way of life while others would get shackled down and lose their freedom for the rest of their life.

“I had only been longing for you my whole life. From the moment you were born.”

Hernan was the Templar of Beasts.

“They’re someone irreplaceable to me.”

Unlike the expressionless man, I couldn’t utter a single word. What was he talking about? So, was I his companion? He stared at me for a moment before quietly tilting his head and smiling.

“They’re like my moon, I adore them.”

I closed my eyes.

The cold wind made a mess of my hair. Its howls filled the silence as it also shook his hair and his mantle.

“I’m not sure how to describe that moment because I’m not the most eloquent but it felt like I was having a very beautiful picnic on the warmest day of spring. Flowers would be blooming for them, the sun would remind me of them and just like the moon, I couldn’t take my eyes off them. It was as if everything was urging me to adore them. Whether it be only for a split second or forever, I can only see them.”

Why was he telling me this now?

“They are my blessed place.”

That I was his [Companion].

“… Hernan.”

“… Princess, you are my [Companion].”

‘You are my destiny.’

That was what he was trying to say. Why? Though, it did help me understand his abnormal feelings towards me.

“I don’t want you to be hurt for even just a moment.”

He had always acted like I was his neverending sunlight as he stared at me with his painfully sweet gaze. There were still some things I had questions about but there was one thing I could see. He meant it. Gradually, my heart tightened and it became difficult for me to breathe.

This night felt so long. Why wasn’t the sun rising? His white hair, which was reflecting the moonlight that felt both warm and cold, looked so long. Everything felt so fleeting. The truth seemed to always appear out of nowhere and leave me more confused than before. I felt like screaming. Even though I wanted to, my body was so worn from fatigue, I could barely hold myself up.

He coughed roughly.

I slowly removed his hand which had been holding me. My action seemed to have induced him to speak to me kindly and sweetly.

“Do you remember? Castor asked you to listen to whatever he was going to do from now on.”

“… Hernan.”

“Castor will never kill you. Because I asked him not to.”

“Please save the princess from now on.”

When I opened my eyes again, I was brought back to a moment two years ago when I was trying to save myself from Castor killing me. The man who had also been at that scene was now so bloodied.

“The oath I had with Castor had started then and will end once I ‘pay’ for it. From that point forward, he could no longer kill you.”

“Why…?”

“Because I swore on the River Styx.”