Don’t Concern Yourself With That Book

After taking a step closer, the duchess asked softly.

“Pardon my rudeness but I would like to ask if there is someone in your heart?”

It felt as if I had been recently asked something similar and I didn’t think I was overthinking when I realised more and more people were asking me this question as of late. Although I wasn’t pleased with the question, I couldn’t ignore the duchess.

“I wish there were…”

When Meta had asked me this question, someone’s face did come to mind. I wondered why, at this moment, his face was coming to mind once again. And my heart ached as a result.

“It’s a shame but I still don’t have one.”

Meta told me he was curious about the kind of love I would have. He also mentioned he was curious about the person I would love. He might have just said it out of slight curiosity but I recalled his gaze being very serious when he asked. Which was why I had replied him sincerely as well.

“There was a slight pause in the middle of your reply but are you sure you don’t have one?”

Others might think I was too serious and dry. But I myself admit I wasn’t the friendliest either. A constantly dry winter in my heart had given rise to a wasteland in my chest. But the land had started to change albeit very slowly. Perhaps it was because of people who loved me despite my ignorance or because of my own desire to change myself. And it was only when my memories returned did I realise this change.

“Duchess, this might be a little sudden. But what is love?”

I ironically asked the duchess what Meta had asked me. I was not expecting any deep answers to my question. I had just asked her without much thought. The duchess flashed a smile as warm as a duvet.

“The God of Love sees love given from above and below. They also view love given on even ground.”

She was someone who watched my tragedy from the sidelines whilst hoping I could find my happiness. That was why I believed that the advice she was giving me would be more serious than if anyone else were to ask her the same question. She probably looked at Rebecca the same way she was looking at me. With a face filled with benevolence.

“A love you give from below is a love you vie for. A love you provide from above is compassion much like endless charity. A love you bring on even ground is one with ambition. And there is also love that demands your attention and enraptures you on the spot.”

As she stared at me, the duchess smiled beautifully. I could tell from the depth of her gaze, the traces of time she had accumulated and the weight of her years.

“What do you think your love is like, princess?”

A long silence ensued but the duchess continued to wait for my response wordlessly.

“I’m sure the princess has her answer.”

I wet my lips.

“I’m just afraid I’ll regret it.”

The duchess gave a slight smile before assuring me that it would not happen.

“You seem to be so sure, duchess.”

“Rebecca. I haven’t seen my daughter in such a long time but she has become a much wiser woman. And I think that it’s all thanks to you.”

Her soft face seemed to have an inexplicable determination. Why would she think that? Was it because I was Auresia’s daughter?

“Because you, yourself, are very wise.”

Marissa was the 1st Princess’ lady-in-waiting. And her niece, Rebecca, was mine… The new information I had just received and her advice remained etched in my mind. The duchess then took her leave before walking away as if we had been strangers. It felt as if unless something happened, I would not be seeing her again. So, her advice lingered in my mind for a long time.

***

As night blanketed his palace, an unparalleled silence swallowed his surroundings. Certainly, for those who worked for the Imperial Family, walking in the dark was forbidden. And in the 4th Prince’s, Amor’s, palace, this rule was the most strictly observed.

“Ha…”

Once again, Amor jolted from his bed so that he was sitting upright. He had lost count how many times this made. A dream that had struck him one day was now haunting him endlessly. When he closed his eyes, the dream returned.

“… Ashley.”

A sliver of time he never knew about unfolded in his dreamscape. There was one thing that continued to repeat. Her cries. Her painful cries that threatened to rip his heart out.

“Why do you…”

When he asked her why she was crying in his dreams, she never answered. Amor grabbed his headboard to support himself. He then woke up again with a start.

“You can never escape.”

As soon as he opened the window, a sharp pain shot through his fingertips. Perhaps this was the condition that Castor had set. Amor’s hand gripped the window frame. A purple colour wafted into Amor’s eyes like waves.

“Brother, I have no regrets.”

A face came to mind at that moment. The desperation to see her no matter what it took placed him in a chokehold.

“So, don’t look at me like that.”

He missed her.

“The moment you leave, you’ll regret it. Amor.”

Crack.

He heard something that sounded like glass shattering. But he didn’t see any glass shards. Because what shattered was an invisible condition.

***

Deep into the night, silence befell around me as the moon hung high in the sky. I often had sleepless nights. And this night was no different as I stared into darkness the moment I opened my eyes. My surroundings were still. All I could hear were my breaths in this silence as I opened the window. A cool breeze greeted me from the terrace.

I tied the curtains flying in the wind to the side with a rope before stepping into the terrace. As the trees swayed in the wind, their leaves rustled. Tucking my hair behind my ear, I leaned against the railing. I lifted the diary.

“What the hell are you?”

Questions piled up till they were towering as time passed but this book was cold-hearted enough to remain silent till the end. No, I wasn’t even sure if I should treat this book like another person. I swept my hand down the back of the diary.

“You have my appearance, right?”

I was sure the diary had manifested itself in my image when it appeared before me back when Hernan and I had been trapped underground. And when I met it, I had subconsciously referred to it as ‘Ahn’.

‘You are Ahn’, I mumbled to it. ‘Ahn,’ I mumbled again.

“The fact that you can see me means that there’s not much time left.”

As it took my appearance, that was what the diary had told me. Not much time left for what? As if to prove itself, the diary no longer showed itself before me ever since Ahasia appeared in my life. But it appeared before me once again not too long ago. It was a strange item. It felt like there was a door before me I could not see. It was as if once I opened this door, I would finally find the answers to everything I wanted to know.

It seemed like I wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight either. As I looked up at the sky, I noticed the stars twinkling against the pitch black sky. As I stared at the stars that seemed as if they had been beautifully embroidered onto a black cloth, I slowly shifted my gaze to the moon. The pale light pouring down on me reminded me of someone else.

I was reminded of the nights I spent with Amor for the past 4 years.

Turning around slowly, I scanned the room at a glance through the terrace doors which were wide open. The room was dark. It was strange. I felt like going on a little walk. But I still had a lot of work to do tomorrow. If I took that walk, Rebecca would nag at me for being a princess with dark eye circles

As I thought about lying down on my bed until sleep arrived, I noticed a green light faintly glowing on the ground below me. As I traced where the light seemed to be coming from, I realised it was from Amor’s bracelet around my wrist.

This bracelet had never glowed like this before. After I had last communicated with Amor through this, this had become just another bracelet. But why was it glowing again now? As I worried about whether Amor had gotten himself in some trouble, a strong gust of wind blew toward me.

The door swung wide open before the curtains made up of lace flapped loudly. It was almost as if I couldn’t budge from the spot I was standing in. What’s more, I couldn’t see what was in front of me. I gently held the hands that covered my vision.

The wind that carried with it the soft scent of a field of grass.

The sounds of breaths became two after that gust of wind blew.

“Brother?”

I recognised this smell. This scent belonged to none other than Amor. I pondered over what to say as I continued to hold the hand that blinded me.

“How did you come here? Are you sure you can leave? You told me you weren’t allowed to leave.”

“…”

I felt a warm breeze brush past my shoulders. The arm around my waist gripped it tighter. He buried his head into my shoulders before keeping quiet for what felt too long.

“Are you alright now?”

But as I acted cheerful, I already knew the answer to my question.

“Everything’s alright which was why I came to find you”

The wind died down. I could feel our clothes and hair stop fluttering. But I could still only see darkness. I gently lowered the hand blocking my vision. I tried to turn my head around. But I was forced to stop.

“Brother?”

Amor had no words. He tightened the grip around my waist even more. Before burying his head even deeper into my shoulders. I couldn’t say anything in response to the sight of his head.

I noticed him trembling slightly.

“Brother.”

My lips hesitated to speak as I tried to vocalise my words. I managed to move my tongue, as if proving that it hadn’t fallen off, before speaking. (1)

“Why are you crying?”

From the moment I met him, I had always worried that he would be blown away with a mere gust of wind or that he would get seriously injured with just a fall. The way he staggered to walk, the stiff way he stared at me and his pale sickly face. Because he was a templar who was meant to be at least a few times stronger than an average man, though he might be sick, I never thought he was weak. His body might be weak but he was one of the strongest people I knew.

He was strong.

Even though death might come for him if he didn’t drink that antidote day after day without fail, Amor remained determined.

He would comment about how his illness wasn’t contagious with a face as dry and stiff as a winter branch.

“Brother.”

He had always seemed strong. He was like an aged tree, strongly rooted to the ground as if nothing could shake him.

But why?

Even now, he had my waist in such an iron-grip, I couldn’t shake him off.

“Can you let me see your face, please?”

T/N:

(1): Might sound weird but this is a common expression in korean to describe someone who’s speaking after remaining silent for a long time.