Don’t Concern Yourself With That Book

1. 1. 1. 1. 1. 1. 1. 1. 1. 1. 1. 1. 1. 1. 1. 1. 1. 1. 1. 1. 1. 1. 1. 1. 1. 1. 1. 1. 1. 1. 1. 1. The Small Flower Blooming in the Desolate Land.

What was this? I quickly placed the letter on my desk before covering my face. What was this? At the same time I received an order from the emperor to visit Rusbella’s academy, I received another letter to notify me that she had been spotted. It felt like my mind was turning blank.

“Mistress?”

In surprise, Rebecca grabbed my shoulders. I managed to muster a smile at her before shaking my head.

“Ah. It’s nothing. I was just surprised I’m being sent somewhere so far away.”

I should get it together. As ridiculous as this coincidence was, I needed to confirm. Did Rusbella really exist? If she did, that meant the original novel existed as well. And that story had already begun. That would also mean that Castor would soon become the emperor and that the main characters would be headed for the Empire soon.

“Rebecca. When would the first day of school be in the academy? Are the students on break now?”

“Yes. The start of their semester will probably coincide with your arrival there, mistress.”

If the main characters were still attending the academy, this meant that they were about to graduate soon. Prince Cjezarn mentioned that they were returning to the academy. According to the original novel, they had returned to the academy because of the King of Walter’s opposition to their relationship. Perhaps that was what was happening now.

This meant that I would likely be meeting Rusbella.

It wouldn’t be too bad if we met. Anyway, I had to meet Rusbella to obtain the medicine that could save Amor. It would be a good thing if Rusbella was really at the academy. I had just been surprised. I tried to calm my startled heart.

“Rebecca, get ready!”

I tried to suppress my endless tremors before ordering Rebecca to prepare for my departure.

That same night.

I had finished all I needed to prepare. The place I was heading to now was Amor’s palace. I quickly ran towards the large palace shrouded in darkness. His palace was surrounded by green plants as per usual. No, under the moonlight, there seemed to be more vines than usual. All of the vines had wrapped themselves tightly around the palace as if they were cradling it. Perhaps they were protecting their sleeping master. So that their owner could continue to sleep with a peace of mind.

I reached his room in a flash. The stalks that surrounded the palace had originated from one place. The centre of it all was none other than Amor’s bedroom. The vines crawling about the walls and ceiling of the room reminded me of a huge maze made out of garden hedges.

I closed my eyes.

“You still haven’t awakened yet.”

Seeing as the stalks were still wrapping around the door to his room tightly, it seemed like Amor was still asleep. Amor’s room was only accessible by a small number of people. Those who had been with Amor the day he collapsed and clerics. These were the only people the vines allowed inside.

When I came into contact with the door handle leading into Amor’s bedroom, the vines slithered away as if it had only been natural for them to do so and disappeared.

“Thank you.”

Creak.

Entering the room, the first thing that hit me was the scent of fresh grass. When I walked deeper into the room, I spotted him sleeping soundly in his bed under the moonlight.

“… Brother.”

Funnily enough, even the people who worked in the 4th Prince’s palace the longest were not allowed inside. This proved that Amor did not trust anyone in his palace. Such a pity.

I wondered how he felt living in a lonely palace with no one he could trust. After approaching him slowly, I sat next to the bed.

“I’m here.”

I lowered my gaze slowly. If anyone were to see him now, he would have merely seemed to have fallen into a deep sleep. That was how still Amor was as he slept.

“How was your day today?”

I tried to talk to the unresponsive man. After staring at him for a while, I looked down again. My gaze lingered on the wrinkles in his sheets for no reason before wetting my lips.

“I’ll be leaving in two days.”

After saying that, I stared at him again.

“Of course, I’m not escaping. I’ll be leaving to find your cure.”

Just as the <Light of Rusbella> had dictated, the light in Amor’s eyes would gradually dim before his life crumbled away. Just as the original novel had dictated.

“I don’t want you to die as per the future I’m aware of.”

According to the cleric, Amor would take a week to awaken. The continuous use of his divinity and the injuries he had sustained had worsened his illness.

“That’s why I’ll do my best.”

I had promised him a long time ago. I would bring him a cure. He had provided me with much and now it was my turn to keep my old promise. Actually, even without that promise, I would have still chosen to walk this path. For the person who had become more precious to me than anybody else.

“You–”

Instead of addressing him as my brother, I addressed him directly. (1)

“Perhaps you have someone you love that is not me.”

From the beginning, he had been a character in a novel and had never belonged to me alone. That was why I could never consider him my brother. The first character from the novel I had met in this world. Like me, Fleon and Dane were people who had never appeared on the pages of the original novel while he had appeared alongside the main characters.

“That’s why I believed that that person would bring you your salvation.”

That was why I couldn’t say his name back then. Because, to me, he had always been the lead of the tragedy that was in the original novel. I had been careful.

“Call me by my name. Call me Amor.”

Back then, I had been afraid I would be obstructing him from his happiness.

Without a single doubt, I believed in the existence of the original novel. Which was why I did not hesitate to believe that he would eventually fall in love with Rusbella either. However, after dying over and over again, I doubted whether the original novel existed in the first place.

My suspicions were only amplified when I learned that Castor’s obsession with me was just like his obsession with Rusbella. Was this really the world inside that of the original novel? Nevertheless, I never completely stopped believing. I had been close to letting go of the only string holding me up at that point in time. The fact that this was a world of a novel.

“It’s strange.”

Raising my head, I stared at the sky.

“When night comes… Whenever I glance at the night sky.”

The long nights I would spend with him were my only reprise and moments of rest. They would remind me of the countless nights when we would just talk.

“I think of you.”

I slowly recalled our first meeting. He, who had been sharp yet fragile, as if he had been walking on a glassy road while I had died so many times to someone’s sword.

“Please save me!”

I thought about it again. That night I ran barefoot just to save him. He had stared at me, stunned, as he watched me die from the poison I had taken on his behalf. And I was again reminded of how I came back to life.

“We are comrades.”

Amor, he was the only one I managed to save.

“I’ve lost so much… If you asked me what I’ve lost, I won’t be able to tell you.”

He couldn’t remember the days I had saved his life, but just like the first time I met him, he was temperamental and sensitive. Yet, he finally confessed.

“Because there were too many.”

I smiled bitterly.

“Admit it. We are comrades.”

I recalled the day he became willing to let me through his fence.

“The emotions I will experience upon your death will take a bigger toll on me than the emotions I experience when you’re still alive.”

(2)

But the day he finally acknowledged me, it had been too late. By then, I had already died dozens of times. I thought I would never be able to feel anything again with this arid heart.

“By the way, brother.”

Nevertheless, from that day forth, I had you, who had provided endlessly for me. I had found it very strange. Why was he so attached to me? I had my own suspicions. I wondered if he had pitied me.

“You’re not telling me that all this time you’ve spent coming to bother me to be a waste, are you? Whether it’s because you need me, because you pity me or even if it’s because you’re using me for your own goals.”

But then, from some point on, he had gradually captured me with a gaze filled with affection.

“You need me.”

He told me we were comrades and yet he had provided too much to a fellow comrade. He had been too generous to me even at the risk of his body. But with how desolate my heart had become, I couldn’t feel anything. No, perhaps it was because he couldn’t bear to help me at the mere sight of me. His emotions for me were just too heavy for me to try to understand or take lightly. I thought it would only add on to my burden when I was already having such a hard time.

“Brother, is it possible it’s because you’re my saviour, because you’ve been making me happy everyday from the moment I saved you?”

I couldn’t manage to save my maids who were forced to die again and again even after dozens of days but the hope I got after saving him had lingered with me for a long time. No, that hope had been my salvation.

On nights when my nightmares would haunt me. Nights with you helped me forget even if it were just for a moment. Amor. The nights I spent with the man who had been hurt too had given me some breathing room and a chance to catch my breath. Perhaps that was why. After spending my days dying again and again, the pity I had felt as I stared at the determined man had evolved into something else.

“You’re like snow that falls without sound.”

I didn’t know what these complicated feelings pointed to. Whether it be pity or camaraderie or whether it was because I felt bad for him or pitied him. I thought he was feeling just as I was whenever I looked at him. Perhaps our instincts had pulled us towards each other because of our misery. Or perhaps it had just been plain pity. I still didn’t know. The different kinds of love that so many people spoke of came in so many different shapes and sizes. And yet I believed I knew now.

“When I realised, I finally understood you.”

My time had ended up being a field of white snow brought about by you.

He was like snow that constantly fell upon me. He fell and fell until he buried me. While I hadn’t been paying attention, I had found myself buried by him. So what if what I felt towards him in the start were just compassion and camaraderie? I was serious about my wish for him to stay alive for as long as possible.

“When someone had asked me whether I loved anyone, I strangely imagined walking with you along the streets of the capital during the festival.”

I had believed that his personality, which was different from what I knew from the original novel, would change once Rusbella came along. But it was strange. Though I was now certain that the original novel existed, I thought I would be disappointed if he were to change like that.

“You know, if miracles really did exist.”

Tears fell on the back of my hand.

“Please show them to me.”

I thought that it was better back when I couldn’t cry because my tears had dried up. It could have been nice if I had stared at him calmly without these feelings that brought me sorrow as soon as I realised what they were. However, while I was conflicted as to how to react, the emotions came to water my desolate land.

“If you could just open your eyes as impossible as it is.”

My tears fell as I sat next to him. My falling tears wet his pillowcase.

“That would be the biggest blessing that could befall me now.”

But I knew my wish would not come true. The cleric said that his illness was so severe and his injuries were so deep that he would not wake up for a long time. And instead of mindlessly hoping, I was used to giving up so I had brushed off my wishes without hesitation. I stood up before staring at him for a long while.

“I’ll be back.”

I might be too busy to come visit tomorrow so this would be the last time I would see him before I leave. I stared at him carefully so that I wouldn’t forget this sight before I tried to turn around.

Whip.

Just then, a small vine wrapped around my wrist. A vine? As I stared at my wrist at the foreign feeling, a small flower blossomed from the bound vine. In addition to this one, a couple of vines were pushing my feet towards something. As if they were trying to prevent me from leaving.

“Where are you going?”

I turned my head slowly.

“I haven’t said a thing. Were you just going to leave?”

Tears flowed from the corners of my eyes down my cheek. Still coming to grips with reality, I glanced at the corner of my eyes. I stared at him in disbelief before calling out for him.

“Brother?”

He stared back at me before smiling slightly. As if reminding me that he had yet to recover, his face was still pale making his red eyes stand out even more. As he struggled to sit up before finally leaning against his headboard, he staggered and reached out for me.

“It seems like miracles do exist.”

He wiped my cheeks dry with his finger. He lowered his head to meet my gaze.

“Don’t you think?”

I had just been focusing on his words but before I realised it I had been sitting on his lap. I could feel something warm and firm on my cheek. I looked up to see his face right in front of mine but I still couldn’t believe it.

“I’m not dreaming, am I?”

Smirking, Amor placed his hand on my cheek. He then grabbed my hand before burying his cheek into it and closing his eyes.

“Whether this is a dream or this is reality.”

Slowly opening his eyes, he pulled me towards him

“Why don’t you try to confirm it?”

With his face so close to mine, he whispered. At the same time, his lips brushed against mine.

His kisses had always landed on my lips as lightly as a bird’s peck. But this felt different from the ones before.

“Close your eyes.”

T/N:

(1): For anyone interested, korean is not a very direct language in the sense that they don’t like to outright address the person you’re speaking to with ‘you’. To be polite, they prefer to refer to people by their occupations (doctor, teacher, etc) and their relation to the speaker (brother, sister, mistress, etc). So, depending on the version (yes, there are different ways of saying ‘you’), it can suggest intimacy or aggression. Obviously, in this case, Ashley is referring to him with a more endearing form of ‘you’ which doesn’t really have an english equivalent other than ‘you’ hence this lengthy explanation.

(2): Lmao I don’t remember ever translating this line but if I did then I probably didn’t do it very well because I think this is a better translation.