Don’t Concern Yourself With That Book

“Haha. This is sickening. The answer to that question has already been decided, has it not?”

Fleon, who had been quiet thus far, answered.

“Fleon, stay back!”

“Zip it, ugly chick.”

I was wondering why things were going so well. Fleon ruffled my hair carelessly.

“Look here, duke. Of course she’ll be living and I’ll be dying.”

“Brother!”

Hernan did not budge. Fleon twisted the tips of his lips into a smile.

“This is nothing to deliberate about. He said something about killing you, right?”

“…..”

He turned his gaze away from me who was not answering him.

“Do you really think those bastards are going to let you die? You or me, Who do you think they would protect?”

His eyes were fixed onto Soricks and Meta. They averted their gazes.

“You’re the reason why I wanted to live. I don’t wish to live in a world where you’re not there.”

“Fleon. No. I!”

I was going to come back to life. Even if I was to die here, I would be coming back to life.

“What’s the point of living a life you had sacrificed for me? I’ve been living all this time just to protect you.”

I shook my head desperately at his words. My words were not getting through to him.

Even if I were to die here to save him, a future without me in it was meaningless to him. And to me, either option was useless to me unless I was able to save both of us.

Things were going wrong this time.

Eventually, Fleon was pulled into the hands of the knights. Both Soricks and Meta were taken together somewhere else. They might have been calling for me from a distance but when I finally picked myself up, Hernan had disappeared. I had found myself sitting alone in a huge open space.

“Ha. haha. Hahaha…”

I flipped open my diary. When I opened to the red page, the words inscribed from before remained the same. The prophetic words smudged before characters were reformed.

[It’s no use. It’s no use, Ashley.]

[This will not change.]

Unlike how it would converse with me in the past, the diary seemed to be earnestly trying to convince me this time round.

“His Majesty has arrived!”

Slowly, I raised my head.

“Let the execution commence!”

From a distance away, I heard the cheers.

Whoaaaaa–

The mercilessly deafening cheers.

A lone sword had been left abandoned on the ground. I crawled towards it before holding the blade in my hands.

“That prophecy is a fake.”

Tears streamed down my face. Fleon, I couldn’t lose him. No, I didn’t want to leave him like this.

“That’s why I’m going to change it.”

Until both he and I could live. I pointed the blade towards my chest. Something I had done over and over before was not difficult for me to bear. At the end of my cries, I laughed desperately.

“Because I’ll be coming back to life.”

***

I strolled down the long corridor.

At the blow of a gust of wind, I looked up to witness a brilliant sunny sky. I turned my head away emotionlessly before losing count of the steps I had been taking so far. It was meaningless to do anyway.

“Is this where Fleon is staying?”

Soricks, who paused in his step together with me, nodded. He said something to the guards before the door which had been blocked with a cross swung open.

“Soricks, wait here.”

“Yes.”

He looked a little reluctant to comply but I didn’t particularly care. Normally, I would have at least spared a smile at him.

‘Perhaps this was not a normal circumstance.’

Everything felt cumbersome.

When the doors opened, a luxurious room revealed itself to me as a prison cell. The patterns on the wallpaper looked beautiful. But now I seem to be able to draw its shapes with my eyes closed.

“Hello, Fleon.”

Slowly, Fleon raised his head. He looked to be a mess but I didn’t notice any serious injuries.

“You…”

But his bruises were as clear as day. Before he could continue, I grabbed his face, tore open a bottle I had been holding with my free hand and spat the bottle cap out. I then poured the bottle’s contents onto his bruises and wounds.

“You, you!”

“Ah, sorry, sorry. They’ve been bothering me every time I’ve seen them. Aside from the ones on your face, you don’t have any other injuries, right?”

Puzzled, Fleon closed his mouth back.

“I’m just joking.”

Smiling faintly, I sat myself in one of the only two chairs in the room.

“You, you, hey, you!”

He opened and closed his mouth. It looked like he had a lot to say.

“Why are you here…”

“That’s what I wanted to ask. Dummy. That’s what I thought. At first.”

“What?”

“Nothing.”

I tapped on the armrest before pointing at the other chair.

“No. Nothing means nothing. Anyway, please sit, brother. My neck hurts looking up at you.”

It was only then did Fleon sit down. He looked as anxious as a death-row prisoner waiting for his death. And who was to be blamed for that? I smiled before lowering my head.

“I have something you’d like to hear. Could you hear me out?”

When I raised my head, the earlier incredulous expression on his face disappeared and before I knew it, Fleon was staring back at me seriously. He asked if it was about the coup. And I replied that it wasn’t. Now looking even more puzzled, Fleon smiled faintly.

“At first, I thought about how I could save you.”

After I regressed, I immediately sought him out. I had snuck him out of his cell a day earlier despite his stubbornness. But that only made him die a day earlier. I tried that plan a couple more times.

“Doing this will only cause him to die a day earlier.”

After realising that, I then tried to save him on the day of his execution itself.

“But there were so many variables at play. And I tried to take them all into account.”

Every single time Hernan appeared, my plan would fail. After working so hard, I finally managed to escape Hernan in one of the regressions. But while Granius was holding Hernan at bay, dozens of templars and knights appeared before our eyes leading to death. They were the templars specialised in combat who worked directly under the emperor. The outcome of a battle where one side was clearly outnumbered was obvious.

“You know. I really did try everything I could think of.”

Sometimes Marissa helped and other times, she didn’t. There was once Castor chose not to attend the ceremony and hence Hernan was absent as well. But when we were reaching the end of our escape, I had been struck by a stray sword. And that was when I died.

“At some point, I realised.”

Before I realised it, tears were rolling down my cheek. But these were not the tears I wanted. These were tears of frustration, resignation and anger. Out of hopelessness, emptiness and sorrow. I felt bottomlessly hollow.

“This won’t change even if I were to do this 40, 400 or 4000 more times.”

I slowly looked up to face Fleon.

“Both you and I. There is no future where both of us can live.”

He looked back at me in shock. I confessed to him.

“A long time ago, I had died countless times and lived. I told myself I would not die ever again. That I will never take advantage of my deaths.”

But there was no such thing as absolutes in this world. I had tried to save him by breaking this oath I made to myself.

“I’ve gone through some deaths to save you. Dying doesn’t hurt. But it hurts to see you die over and over again. It hurts, Fleon. It hurts so much…”

I covered my face.

“I can’t do this anymore. That future doesn’t exist.”

I had enveloped my face with my hands and yet tears managed to seep through my fingers.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Fleon.”

“…..”

“You’re going to die and I cannot see any future where I manage to save you.”

I had checked over and over again. Even when I was desperate, even when I thought it would be ridiculous for either of us to die, it all ended with death.

“I was wondering what you were talking about.”

A large hand clasped mine. Warmth, one that was not cooling me down but one that wrapped around me.

“Was this the reason you became so broken?”

Fleon looked at me with a revitalised gaze as if he had just woken up.

“I’m not someone who needs to be protected by you.”

He spoke clearly.

“Just let me die.”

Even his voice of concern, which usually sounded stiff, was arrogant as always. But he was a man who was more like a prince than anyone else.

“Just accept my death.”

He stared at me as though he understood everything even though he was usually so slow-witted.

“Don’t tarnish my pride.”

I wondered what he was thinking as he squeezed my hand.

“Even if you manage to save me, one day, I will find out the truth. Do you think I’d be happy when I do?”

He lowered his head slowly.

“You, this is not the first time you’ve talked about it, is it?”

Like the first time I met him here, he spoke with his forehead laying on my shoulders. I hadn’t said anything back then but he continued.

“I’m not the person you should be protecting.”

That was when realisation dawned upon me.

“I don’t want to.”

Tears welled up in my eyes. They continued to run down my cheeks again and again.

“I don’t want to, brother. Why die? Why would you die?”

Ah. I really can’t give up on him.

“Don’t die, brother. I’ll listen to you well from now on. So, don’t die, brother. Please. Please don’t die…”