Don’t Concern Yourself With That Book

Was this anger? Or was this sorrow? Or was this the saturated feeling of despondence?I tried to understand the feelings I could not consider anger or sadness. It was indescribable.

After seeing the way Castor acted around the woman he called his nanny, I was captured by a sense of loss.

Why was I here at this time? What was I here to find? I could feel the stones I used to build the wall around my heart falling off one by one. No, the wall had actually been crumbling for a long time now, it wasn’t just a sudden phenomenon.

If this was what Castor was trying to make me feel by dropping me into this space, he was succeeding. Exhausted, I raised my head.

It had been two days since the nanny appeared. Ever since she arrived, all I did was stay in the room, lost in my thoughts.

“Will you be skipping your meals again today?”

Castor would approach me every mealtime to ask me to eat, as though he had died and became a starving ghost.

“There’s no point anyway.”

“Why wouldn’t there be a point? Letting a guest under my patronage starve would harm my prestige.”

For some reason, I felt alright even though I had not been eating or sleeping. It might be because of the peculiarity of this space, or the overwhelming amount of divinity that was supporting my body.

‘Amor once told me that templars could last a long time without eating.’

Thinking about how my divinity could act like vitality, I was reminded of Amor and his smile. Which only made me sink deeper into sorrow.

“Just treat me as though I don’t exist.”

Just as I thought, just because he was a child now and had no memories of me, I couldn’t see him differently. I said as I ignored the steam rising from the meal he brought me.

“You don’t have to force yourself to pay attention to me.”

“Huh?”

“You’re only doing this because of this chain anyway, right?”

I shook the chain tied around our wrists.

“Wouldn’t it be good for you if I end up starving myself?”

I wasn’t being sarcastic, I was being serious. Because I knew I wasn’t the only one uncomfortable because of this chain. Perhaps he was thinking the same thing because he twisted his expression.

“Why would you say that!”

However, the words that burst out of him were not ones I expected.

“I-I’m just trying to help you in any way I can… Were you planning on killing yourself?”

“…..”

“T-That’s why you’re not eating… Ha.”

Soon, I noticed him gritting his teeth.

“You are such a vile woman!”

As he tried to process the situation, some misunderstandings seemed to have popped up but I didn’t bother to try and correct them. The young Castor rubbed his face vigorously before leaving in a huff.

‘Look at him go.’

I peeled my eyes off the door before leaning my head against the wall.

‘To hear that from him of all people.’

I closed my eyes.

As my thoughts turned tumultuous. But at the same time, my mind was as clear as death.

Alright, I should just wait for this to be over on its own. Who knows if Castor was going to take me out of this space himself one day?

Perhaps this resignation was what Castor wanted from me but my heart kept wavering.

“Hello.”

Looking up, I found a middle-aged woman whose presence I hadn’t noticed till now. No, I knew she had entered but I decided to leave her alone.

“We met two days ago, apologies for only introducing myself to you today.”

As though she had come in the midst of cleaning, she was carrying an old rag in one hand and a long cane in the other.

‘Does the nanny also do chores?’

I looked away from Castor’s nanny.

“I didn’t manage to catch how I may address you, dear guest. Could I address you as a lady?”

I merely nodded when she introduced her name.

“You may call me for anything for your convenience. Anything goes”

I had no plans of remembering the names of anyone here. Even moreso, since she was Castor’s acquaintance.

“Then, I shall address you as such, my lady.”

I used to look like a teenager, a mere girl, or even a child. It was inevitable considering that that was my form before I awakened. As though knowing how to address me now would change anything, she smiled.

The woman in front of my eyes had the ability to make people feel comfortable by her mere presence.

“Is there anything you’re uncomfortable with?”

“Yes.”

“I heard that you have been skipping your meals.”

Not erasing the dry smile hanging on my face, I replied.

“Did His Highness, the Crown Prince, order you to do this? To dig up anything you can about the suspicious woman?”

The woman’s eyes, that had widened momentarily, soon curled kindly.

“Yes.”

Now, it was my turn to be surprised. I never expected her to admit it so openly.

“But that’s not all. I am still lacking but I am the caretaker of this palace as well as the Crown Prince’s nanny. It is a part of my job to serve guests to my utmost ability.”

“…..”

“But wouldn’t that be difficult for me to do if I don’t know anything about the guest?”

“… What do you want to know about me?”

The woman smiled gleefully.

“Let me know what kind of food you like.”

“… And?”

“Well. It would be nice if you could also share when you would be sleeping and when you woke up. Our girls will prepare your bed and your meals accordingly.”

“Anything else?”

“Well. I don’t have anything I want to know right now.”

Seeing as she really had nothing more to ask, she swung her cane around playfully. I couldn’t sense any ulterior motive she might be hiding.

“He was worried because you haven’t been eating or sleeping for many days now.”

Suddenly, I stared at the slightly open door. When we made eye contact, the golden eyes I spotted through the crack in the door flinched. He cleared his throat as though he was flustered for having been caught peeking. His cheeks looked slightly red.

“Nanny, you shouldn’t be saying such things out loud.”

“Your Highness, you were already too late once I noticed you eavesdropping.”

Castor, who had just entered the room, then paused. He looked at me as is before flaring up by himself and swivelling out of the room.

“He is a very affectionate boy.”

“Affectionate?”

I scoffed but the woman nodded as though it did not matter what I thought.

“Yes. Sometimes he would bring me birds that had lost their wings or dying cubs.”

As she spoke, compassion sparked in the eyes that were staring back at mine. As though I was the bird stuck in the rain.

“Of course, the things and people he showed affection to are very limited. For a child forced to grow in this cold palace, it cannot be helped.”

Her voice as she spoke was so full of affection.

“He rarely expresses his affection to people. Other than to his younger brother, the 2nd Prince.”

“Are you saying that I’m fortunate for being granted the rare opportunity of receiving his affection?”

The woman inhaled sharply. We remained staring at each other in silence. The eyes that were looking at me curled slowly.

“There is only one thing for you to do, my lady. And that is for you to eat well and be comfortable during your stay here till you return to where you’re from.”

I paused for a moment. Was it possible that she knew about me? But from her gaze, it seemed as though she was still clueless. It seemed like she was referring to a physical house. I couldn’t feel any divinity from her either.

“Since you are so fortunate, it’s best you utilise this chance as best you can and enjoy your stay comfortably. As the birds and cubs His Highness brought have. You may return home at a later time if you wish too.”

I couldn’t say I didn’t feel warm by her words.

After living a life so marked by falsehoods and misfortune for so long, I could not distinguish between what was real and fake. And I could tell that this woman was being sincere.

“You make it sound like I’ve been hurt.”

“Because wounds don’t just appear on your body.”

I wondered why. But for a moment, I saw Auresia in the woman. I didn’t need to wash my eyes out to know that they were different people. Before I knew it, the woman was holding my hand and sweeping the back of it.

“Being doubtful is not a bad thing. But..”

The warmth from her hands stung my heart.

“My lady, you look like a child that was forced to grow up too quickly.”

***

That very night.

Just as I did the previous night, I stared at the sky instead of sleeping.

Every night I spend the time wondering what to do with this chain and escape this timeline but there didn’t seem to be any progress.

‘“Do I have no choice but to wait?”

I swept my hair up roughly.

“… I wish I could just talk to my diary.”

The diary and I were connected through our souls but for our communication to be cut off, Castor must have made a powerful move. I stopped calling for the diary in my head before sighing.

“Sigh. I knew this wouldn’t work.”

When I stared at my wrist, I felt a slight vibration. Castor must be tossing and turning in his bed now. The chain was useful in telling me how he was moving. If he were to suddenly move vigorously, the chain would shake around my wrist with similar vigour.

‘Just like this… huh?’

I stared at my wrist again. The chain was shaking so wildly even my wrists were forced to move. There was no way he could be moving like this unless he was holding the chain and dancing.

‘What’s going on?’

With this unpleasant sense of foreboding, I opened the door to a group of people sprinting down the hallway. They were knights. Moreover, I spotted a stranger wearing a hood lying motionlessly on the ground. Then, a scream of a woman who must be a maid could be heard from afar.

A coup? Could there really be a coup? But judging by the scale of alarm, it didn’t seem to be the case. Furthermore, since the knights were skilled, the invaders were quickly subdued.

“The door to the Crown Prince’s room is locked!”

“It seems to be divinity! Someone bring in a Templar of Snow!”

However, the chain around my wrist continued shaking. I weaved through the crowds to avoid bumping into people before heading into the room next to Castor’s instead.

I sprinted towards the balcony before jumping into the adjacent one. It wasn’t a difficult manoeuvre given my divinity.

As soon as I opened the window, I was greeted by a bone-chilling sight. Holding a sword, Castor, who had been panting, glanced at me. His eyes widened.

“How did you get here?”

Not only was he shocked but so were the men going against him.

“Kill that wretch!”

“Yes!”

Though they had just been commanded to do so, some men still exchanged glances before running towards me. Seeing the blade flashing in front of me, I was not frightened at all. Soon after tying their wrists and ankles tightly, they fell to the floor.

Clang. Their swords that fell a few seconds later accompanied them on the ground.

As their heads collided with the floor, roots burrowed out of the ground before winding around their torsos. When I looked up again, I spotted Castor fending his attackers off hurriedly.

“Urgh!”

He might be panting but he was fighting well. Even though he was only a child, he managed to win by, surprisingly, blocking a swing from an adult.

It was only then that I was reminded that Castor was one of the male leads in the timeline I thought was a novel and was well-versed in swordsmanship. I hadn’t thought about it because he had always used his divinity or his monstrous powers.

No, the day he killed my people and I, he also used a sword. Though it did not take skill to kill people who couldn’t resist.

“Ha, ha.”

Finally, Castor had won against the two men who were subduing him. In front of him were men who were mortally wounded and groaning in pain. Panting like a young beast, he suddenly turned to look at me.

“I knew you were a templar but… what the hell was that power!”

“Behind you.”

Castor quickly turned his head around. But it seemed like it was too late to dodge the blade. Just then a purple butterfly circled around the sword before a vine swapped the sword out of his hand. The man, who was already fatally wounded, could not stand any longer and collapsed back onto the ground.

Thud. The butterfly dropped a dagger into my hand.

“Plants and butterflies…”

“Why is your life being threatened?”