Novel Bin Chapter 30.2
My voice has turned miserably shaky and hoarse, but I can’t care less about that anymore.
My body has long already stopped listening to my commands. Nothing new at this point.
“Even if you’re a liar like you say you are, I know you’re a very nice person and that you really hate hurting other people in any way. That’s why for you to resort to lying, it must be so that no one else but you will get hurt. Right? You’re the type to place all the burden on your shoulders after all.”
What’s he saying? He’s overestimating me too much.
Inside, I’m just an average—no, a below-average, miserable adult who’s too timid and cowardly. I often overthink things to the point that I end up doing completely nothing.
“That’s… not true. I—”
“Lian. You don’t have to force yourself to say it if you can’t. If… you still think that it’s necessary to lie to me after some consideration… then you can keep lying.”
“Wha…”
I look up at Alfred.
So even if I lie…
“That’s okay with you?”
No way. How can he agree to such a thing?
For him to let such a selfish thing on my part slide seems unbelievable.
However, Alfred nods with a smile. “It’s fine. But Lian, please tell me just one thing.”
“One thing…?”
“Yes. Just this one thing. You once told me you’ll give me a reward, right?”
“A reward?”
Have I ever said something like that? I sift through my memories. Then, I find one that seems to fit the bill.
Is he talking about our last fight in the swordsmanship competition?
Now that I think about it, I do remember panicking and blurting something like that at the last moment in a desperate attempt to motivate him. Because at that time, he was so determined to throw the match so that he could go home early.
I said that if he won against me, I would give him one thing. Anything that he wants.
So he’s planning to claim it now?
Until today, not once has he ever mentioned or said anything about it. So I presumed that he doesn’t care about it anymore.
“I kept hesitating about what I should use it for. There are too many options. And so, I continuously delayed cashing it in until today… But now, I’m glad that I did that. Lian, since you promised, then I have something that I want. Just one thing.”
Something that he wants?
“What is it?”
“I want a truthful answer to my question. Not with a lie but with the truth.”
“A truthful answer…”
So he wants to ask me a question. And I have to answer with the truth, not with a lie.
“…What do you want to know?”
IFor some reason, I feel very tired now. Probably because I’ve recently been exercising my brain a lot.
Since it’s only one question, it should be fine for me to answer it.
This is the least I can do. Besides, I don’t really care anymore.
So, I look up to show my consent. This causes Alfred to squint in happiness, eyes a clear sky blue.
I watch his mouth slowly open. Silently, I wait for him to ask me the question.
“Do you like me?”
That’s his question?
Rather…
“That question…”
Is he fine with wasting this chance on that question?
Doesn’t he have other, more important things to ask? He has, right?
For example, something about the Goddess! Or about what type of person I am! Hasn’t he ever wondered why I’ve been working myself so hard in accomplishing all these things?
Doesn’t he want to know why I sometimes act strangely?! I’m sure he’s noticed those strange behaviors and reactions of mine. He must suspect something by now!
Ask me something along those lines! I’ve noticed, okay! How he sometimes looks like he’s dying to ask me something. Even after I sloppily play dumb, dodge his curiosity, and deceive him.
And yet, here he is asking me—
“It’s fine. Just answer me truthfully. Do you like me or hate me? Do you love me or despise me? Which is it? You have to answer with the truthful answer. No lies and cheating. And use your words.”
With words.
Isn’t the answer already clear to Alfred?
I’ve kept lying to myself about this matter. Kept deceiving myself.
But since he told me to tell the truth, then…
I gulp.
For some reason, Alfred’s face becomes so blurry. I can’t see him well. But, I feel that it’s better this way. This isn’t something I can easily tell him right in the face.
“…I like you. I love you, Alfred.”
I can’t see well, but I know Alfred just broke into a broad broad grin.
I can sense his face getting closer to mine. Even though I know what he’s going to do, I close my eyes.
He gives me a soft peck. His lips are warm and gentle.
“Somehow… this became too complicated.”
I’ve lied too much to myself, to Alfred, to everyone.
I’ve lied about everything. Created so many deceptions. I’ve twisted truths and lies so many times, denying that my lies are really lies.
Don’t they say that once a lie is maintained for long enough, it’ll become the truth? Then by that point, there won’t be a need for me to lie anymore, right…
No, wait. But…
Ugh, really. It’s become too complicated. I can’t make any sense of what I’m thinking anymore. My mind’s so confused now.
Alfred laughs as though he’s seeing something amusing. “Then you don’t need to lie. Just tell the truth.”
“The truth… mm.”
All of a sudden, Alfred licks my neck and down to my chest as if sampling my body. The sensation of his hot, wet tongue sliding against my skin sends shivers down my back. I’m still not that familiar with the specifics of this, but I suspect he might really be planning on going all the way with me now.
But despite this, my body doesn’t protest, only proceeding to relax.
And just as I expected, Alfred takes off my shirt before lowering his hand to my pajama pants. But I only avert my eyes and still keep my body relaxed , letting Alfred have his way with me.
I’ve kept this feeling buried in the depths of my heart for too long. Added new layers on top of it time and time again to make sure it’ll never be able to emerge. Kept it behind a closed door with many locks. All to ensure that Alfred and even I won’t notice it. But now, he has overturned all the layers, broken the locks, and exposed it in plain sight. I can’t even resist it anymore.
With my willpower, weapons, and armor snatched from me, I’m now completely surrendering myself to him.
However, I can’t fathom why he’d want my skinny body. It’s neither cute nor soft. Not even by a little bit. To think that he still wants to do this kind of thing with me despite all that… Even bad tastes have its limits.
But…
If he still wants to do “that” with me, then I’m okay with it. It’s… It’s not like I hate Alfred’s touch.
On the contrary, it makes me happy. It’s comfortable and very relieving.
If I can and if he’ll let me, I’ll want to touch him forever.
But even I know that sounds a bit too much. So I definitely won’t say it out loud no matter what.
Then all of a sudden, I realize something. I shift my gaze back to Alfred.
That’s right.
Before anything else happens, I have to inform him of this first . It’s for our sake.
In my heart, I gain a fleeting wish that he’ill give up after I tell him this. That today will just be like the night from some time ago, where we just touch each other a little bit, feel good together, and then hug each other. Then while wrapped in his warmth, I’ll be able to comfortably fall asleep. But he definitely intends to go all the way today, isn’t he?
“Uhh, Alfred?”
“Yes?”
“Uhm, let me say this first. I… don’t have a single clue about this kind of thing. Not even the slightest. N-not even about the way to do it.”
Yeah, I don’t have any experience. Zero. I have no idea how two people of the same gender have sex either.
It’s only natural, okay! I’m straight! Well, now… Damn it!
Then again, I’ve never done it with a woman before either… Ahh, this is so embarrassing! I’m sorry, okay! Damn it!
Alfred gazes at me, looking ecstatic for some reason. What’s the matter with him now? Why’s he happy? How irritating!
“That’s fine. I generally know how it goes.”
What did he say now?
What did he mean by “generally know”?!
And why does he “generally know” about this anyway?!
Hey you brat, where did you learn such strange information?! As someone older than you, I can’t forgi—
Just when I’m about to burst into a rant, Alfred kisses me on my lips. And so, I end up unable to say even a word.