Crown of Thorns

“What? What did you just say?”

The red eyes of the white-haired boy were shaking greatly, as if my words were surprising. The boy’s hair was blindingly reminiscent of the sunshine I had seen a long time ago. They were brilliant and shining. Enough to make my heart yearn.

Ah, I can hear the bell sound. I turned my gaze and looked at the window. It was covered with a thick black cloth, as if not even a thin ray of hope could be tolerated, but the sound could not be stopped. A faraway bell was ringing. The day has passed. I spent yet another meaningless day.

There must be a beautiful sunset outside the window right now. I can’t forget the very warm and sweet sky. The children who heard the bell sound coming home one by one, and their mothers awaiting them with crispy baked bread, lukewarm heated milk and soft mashed potatoes.

Everyone obviously has a warm and pleasant time. I can only imagine the inside of a house as warm as sunset, a child with a clear smile, and a meal made with sincerity. Maybe it’s a memory I saw a long time ago. It’s so old that it feels like a scene from a fairy tale.

“What did you say?”

My gaze, staring into the distance, turned again to the boy in front of me. It is dark and soggy around. The coldness lingers and allows me to escape from the imagination that melted my heart for a while. This was the reality. I can’t escape from reality. The sudden visitor reminded me of the scenes that I had buried deep inside my heart. No doubt because of the boy’s hair and eyes.

I implore the young warrior once again.

“I told you to kill me.”

Maybe if it’s you, you could kill me. The feeling of hope excites me. I thought I lost it a long time ago, but it must have been lurking somewhere. Like the scenes that just popped into my mind.

The boy looked quite taken aback and unsure of how to react. The sword he held tightly in his small hand, shakes. I don’t think he can hurt me at all like that. Worry enveloped me. The young warrior is too weak.

“They, they said that if the witch dies, the curse will go away! The monsters will disappear and no more people will die!”

I don’t know who he’s shouting at. It’s more like a cry for himself than for me. Some sort of spell. There’s a reason for him to kill, he’s not doing anything wrong, he’s doing something good. The little boy held himself with more confidence, his eyes sharpening.

I decided to help the boy.

“So, kill me.”

Yes, young warrior. You’re not doing wrong. Hurry to kill the cursed witch with the sword you’re holding and save the world.

But the boy doesn’t seem to like it when I tell him to kill without any resistance. His face crumpled. He chewed on his lower lip and stared at me, but his eyes seemed to be burning. He looked like the sun that reminded me of happy times, or the pile of firewood that pushed me to the edge of hell. I don’t have the confidence to face this boy for a long time.

“Hurry and kill me. With that sword you’re holding.”

“You! You! Is it that easy for you to ask me to kill you? Don’t you feel sorry for those people who didn’t want to die, or wanted to live longer? They died because of you! You are killing them! Because of you, I can never see them again… Because of you!”

As he went into a fit of heated shouting, the boy’s hair fluttered this way and that. The white hair, which is both fluffy and soft, disturbs my vision. I lowered my head because I couldn’t bear it.

“Kill me. Please kill me.”

A shrill sounded in answer to my words. It was the sound of the boy’s sword falling on the rock floor. The boy stood still for a while and then turned walking away. I don’t know how he came in, but it wouldn’t be difficult for him to get out. I couldn’t raise my head even after the boy left.

I thought I’d have some afterimage of his retreating back.

I’ve spent so much time peacefully, and now it’s all got messed up in a moment. Why are you suddenly appearing and shaking me up? Why am I reminded of all the things I had painstakingly buried deep down?

And why can’t I get my act back together?

I picked up the sword that the boy had left behind. It seemed cold, but was surprisingly warm to the touch. The warmth of the boy was quickly discernible. Because it was warmth that I haven’t felt for a long while, something rose in my chest.

I put the sword into my heart without further thinking. I always hesitated without realizing it, so I failed to put it in deep enough again this time. Still, I was bleeding and my heart was pounding. I don’t want to live, but I cry out for help.

My shivering hands gathered strength and thrust the sword deeper in. The pain has spread all over my body disabling my ability to think of anything. The hot and soggy liquid dampens my body. I fall on the floor and close my eyes quietly.

I hope I never open my eyes again.

I hope my time ends like this.

*

The inside of the tower I’m staying in was very humid, with no light seeping in. The wood table had been rotting for a long time because of the dampness and lack of sunlight. It smelled bad, but it was better than the smell from my body, so I wasn’t much bothered with it.

Ten sheets of paper, which are likely to be torn at any moment, are placed in a regular arrangement on the mostly rotten and hard to recognize table. Each of them had a unique painting and they all meant different things.

Cards were my only possession, and reading cards was the only thing I did. I couldn’t tell my own future, but I could roughly guess the outline of it. Through the future could change depending on the people I am involved with or the place I am staying at.

But there is no one related to me now. They were all gone a long time ago. I was just waiting for the divination I had before to come true.

“The bright light will give you eternal rest.”

I died, and died, but was still revived again. Even if I lost my mind in terrible pain, I ended up opening my eyes. My body was destroyed countless times, hoping for my death, but those wounds were promptly healed to look like scars from a long time ago. The signs of death remain intact on my body, so why does the God of death refuse to take me away?

My mind has not allowed me to go crazy to match my broken body. I had to feel the time passing day by day with a sound mind, and even if I wanted to shake off the memories of the past, they didn’t become blurred as if they were imprinted inside my mind.

Every time I closed my eyes, I remembered. The sound of a happy laugh, the clear sky, the dazzling bright sun.

“What are you doing?”

I opened my eyes to the sudden voice. As I turned my head, I saw the young warrior I had met before, leaning against the wall and staring at me. Human time flowed so fast that it didn’t seem to be that long for me, but he looked more mature than before.

How many times have I heard the bell? I thought to myself, looking at the boy whose height and hair grew a little longer, but soon gave up. Because the same time had always passed, there was nothing more ephemeral than counting the number of days.

As I sat still without answering, the boy came up to me and asked, looking down at the table.

“What is this?”

I was briefly enchanted by the white scene unfolding before my eyes. I remembered a pair of eyes I had seen ages ago. They were cold and mesmerizing. When I tried to catch the vision, it quickly melted away. The boy in front of me also seemed to be about to disappear. He was all white and transparent. Hair, eyebrows, eyelashes, and skin. Just everything.

Is it a fantasy that I created?

Am I finally starting to go crazy? It was strange that I had lived like this for an immeasurable amount of time, but I still had my sanity intact. The boy was so clean and looked like an angel descending to punish me for being ugly and dirty.

“Why aren’t you answering?”

The moment the boy turned his eyes to me, I had to turn my head hurriedly. The boy’s sun-like eyes reminded me of countless memories and the multiple emotions I felt at the time were woven together, so I was not confident enough to face them. My heart was shaken.

“I was reading tarot.”

I wanted to distract the boy. So I lifted the cards and put them in front of his face. It was hard to recognize what was on them because they were shabby and worn out, so he took the cards to examine carefully.

But he soon returned them as if he had lost interest and asked me.

“Can you see the future with this?”

The boy’s eyes, like a sun, like a red moon, like a fire swallowing a dry pile of wood, those fiery, blood-stained eyes fixed me, and I instinctively turned my head and replied, not wanting to see myself reflected in them.

“If it were your future.”

The boy must have been quite curious, so he tilted his head and asked, trying to make eye contact with me.

“My future? How is it?”

I answered.

“You die.”

The boy stayed silent for a while, then smiled and said,

“People are all going to die. It’s so obvious.”

Is it too obvious? Am I not a human being because I can’t do this obvious thing? I’m already way beyond the human category.

I answered as I arranged the cards.

“You’ll die because of me.”

As if shocked by my remark, he stiffened. I continued to speak, resting my gaze on the boy’s white hair.

“So go hide and don’t come out. Don’t even come near here if you don’t intend to kill me.”

“Lies. You’re lying like that to scare me, aren’t you?”

“It’s true. You die because of me.”

So run away. The boy turned around and walked away, perhaps understanding my unspoken words. Like the day we first met. I looked down at the cards I was holding. The card that meant death was sitting on top.

If that boy kills me, will the future change?

Changing the present changes the future. My gaze touched the sword, which he had randomly dumped out on the floor. The sword and its surroundings were stained with dark blood. If the light the divination meant was that boy, he had to drive out the darkness. That way I could find eternal rest and the boy could see a bright future.

The young warrior had to kill the witch.