Crown of Thorns

I haven’t seen the boy for a while afterwards. In the meantime, I kept having nightmares. Rather than nightmares, they were actually ancient memories I kept reliving.

But after a long time, I couldn’t tell if they were really memories or just my imagination. It occurred to me that maybe even the boy was part of the imagination I had created, that’s why he didn’t show up.

Is this reality that I’m living now? Maybe even I am an illusion.

I stroked at the scars left on my body. I couldn’t remember clearly when I got them and what they originally looked like. Over the years, too many people have come for me and I have suffered too much. I might already be dead and stuck in a dream I’m never waking up from.

When I opened my eyes, I could only see the dark. I started having too many thoughts after I met the boy. I tried to kill time as I always did, but it wasn’t easy. The white afterimage bothered me. That beautiful and cold as snow whiteness crept into my mind and rejected the darkness.

It must be snowing somewhere.

Suddenly, I thought I wanted to see the snow. And then what? After relieving one’s thirst, there was only a greater desire. It was better to get used to longing and forget about it.

I hugged my knees and buried my face between them. Boy, why did you come to me and make me so distressed? It was better to be forgotten by people. It was better to wait for the day when no one was looking for me.

After meeting the boy, the emotions that I had forgotten came to mind again and made me impatient. The day we first met, I’d have preferred it if he had put a sword in me. I wish he’d stabbed me in the heart and froze it. Then it wouldn’t have been this painful.

You won’t even last forever. You’re going to die in the end.

“Asleep?”

I opened my eyes to a faint voice. I thought it was a hallucination, but I raised myself when I saw the white hair of a boy sitting in front of me. The boy continued his speech in a quiet voice instead of staring at me.

“Don’t you feel wronged?”

I can’t understand what he means.

“Isn’t it unfair for you to be called a witch and to be blamed?”

He stared at me, waiting for my answer. I kept my mouth shut looking at the darkness that was still filling my tower, and thought that if I didn’t give him an answer, he’d stay like this, so I finally replied.

“I have nothing to feel wronged about to tell the truth.”

“But it’s not true.”

Do you doubt the world? Are you saying that the world is wrong? It’s a useless thing to do.

“I know. The fact that it’s not your fault, but you have to deal with the consequences. And the fact that were so repeatedly accused that you started doubting your innocence. In the end, even you don’t believe in yourself.”

The boy muttered to himself as if he wasn’t expecting an answer. His voice was so lonely and sad. I looked at the boy’s weakly outstretched arm. It wasn’t this long the first time he came. And it wasn’t this sturdy.

While I was dreaming, the boy grew up while swallowing time. I always stayed in the past, and the boy faced the future. And I had only bore traces of scar, but the boy wore wounds.

“You don’t think I’m a witch?”

The boy, who had not answered my words for a while, opened his mouth.

“I don’t know that. But I know this. I used to think killing you would end everything, but it wouldn’t. Killing you won’t change anything. Nothing changes when you die. If this is really a curse, then you’re also a victim of it.”

Victim of the curse, you say. I can’t read the boy’s mind at all. The boy murmured helplessly in a smaller voice.

“And so am I.”

I closed my eyes. It seems that the young warrior will not be able to kill the witch even if he grows older. The light that would save the world, save me, was swallowing itself.

The reality was very different from fairy tales.

*

The boy brought something with him. H kept moving around with a great deal of grunting and groaning. The thing that he had been moving back and forth for a while was none other than water. There was a long water barrel, and there was also a large one that, funnily enough, seemed to fit my size perfectly.

The boy handed me a dry cloth.

“You must have felt uncomfortable because you haven’t been able to wash for a long time, but wash as much as you want.”

He didn’t show it, but my dirt seemed to bother him. The boy left soon but I sat still. My eyes were on the barrels that lay in the dark. It was strange to think that the small tower, the place where everything was rotting and dying, contained water that made life possible.

The boy did. He has sun-like eyes and snow-white hair, and he is living a short life. And he kept telling me that he was alive and connecting with the world. The boy radiated the smell of earth, the warmth of the sun, and the freshness of the wind.

I heard a laugh from somewhere. I was conjuring memories up again. The world was so beautiful before the darkness took over. And I was happy. I didn’t want to go back to that time. There was nothing I could do back there. The future hasn’t changed. I’ll have no choice but to spend a long time again.

The water did rot. Unlike other things, it didn’t die and only embraced new lives. It was hard to notice because it was infinitely small, but a small seed was growing inside the barrel. It grew gradually, taking root. But it was clear that this plant was also going to die because there was not much water left. In the meantime, the boy did not come to visit.

The boy didn’t come often from the start. Still, it’s been quite a while since his last visit. He grew and changed every time he came. And every time he came, I lost hope for my prophesied light.

I flipped the card over. It was still saying that light appears and drives away the darkness. It was no longer possible to know what the divination meant. Because the boy was gradually becoming like the dark. The young warrior was losing his strength in sympathy with the witch.

“What? Does it still say I’m going to die?”

The hand that grabbed the card was all scarred. The wounds seemed to have healed and left only traces. His long-grown hair was tied together and he spoke with a lower voice than before. The boy turned into a young man while the stagnant water was gradually fading in favor of new life.

“Yes.”

“Are you still looking at my divination? Why?”

“To see my divination.”

He kept asking, not understanding what I was saying, but I ignored it. I got up after organizing the rest of the cards. The boy who has become a young man has surpassed my height. And his personality has also changed a lot.

“Why didn’t you wash up? Are my words a joke to you?”

“Why should I listen to you?”

“When someone shows you goodwill, shouldn’t you at least accept it?”

Why would I do that? For whom? I tried to take his hand off my arm, but he held it tightly and wouldn’t let it go. He pulled hard and made me face him. The young man’s once neatly bound hair fluttered about.

I knew a man with hair similar in color to the young man’s. I thought it was beautiful to the point of enchantment at the time, but not now. The young man’s hair scratched my mind like a sharp dagger. As time went by, the hair that grew longer gradually became sharp and stabbed me.

“It’s been a long time, aren’t you happy to see me?”

The young man still didn’t understand me. The more I see him, the more I suffer.

“Were you always this small? And were you always this thin? You didn’t keep killing yourself while I was gone, did you?”

The young man was unaware of his growth. He didn’t know about the relationship between me and my frozen time.

“Didn’t you miss me?”

Is he trying to teach me how to wait? Was it not enough to unfailingly inform me of the passing time? Is he trying to remind me of the past, make me aware of the present, and even make me wait for the future?

You are the cruelest man I have ever met.

“I missed you. I thought I was going crazy because I wanted to come see you sooner.”

You hurt me so much.