Crown of Thorns

The boy, who hadn’t said anything for a while, took his eyes off me and began to fiddle through the books on the floor. The floor of the tower was so dirty that I placed the books on top of a fine cloth. Fortunately, the boy handled the books carefully, whether because he noticed that they were important to me or it was just his original personality, I didn’t know. He was touching them so delicately that I wanted to say thank you.

“Can you read?”

“Nope, not at all.”

I expected it, but it was all the more frustrating to hear it myself. There was too much to teach him. The boy did not know, but the road ahead was not easy. And this world, too, was too rotten for him to be recognized only by its natural destiny. He had to be in a position where he could not be stepped on.

“That’s a shame.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to learn. It’s just because no one taught me.”

The boy grumbled fearing that I might look down on him. I realized my mistake. It’s been a long time since I’ve spoken to people, so I haven’t thought through it well.

“I’m saying it’s a pity the world didn’t teach you.”

Everyone has to learn, that’s the way to changing the world. If you don’t know anything, you can’t get away from the clasps of someone you know. The boy’s red eyes caught mine upon hearing my my words. I couldn’t read his thoughts. This little boy had an excellent ability to hide his feelings. He grew up in an environment that made it so that he had no choice but to do so.

“You can teach me.”

“That’s right.”

I was going to. I was going to tell him anything. Everything I know.

The boy sat next to me, looked through the books, and suddenly asked, as if he had been enlightened.

“Where did you get these from?”

When I didn’t answer, he changed the question.

“You can get out of the tower, right?””

I didn’t answer this either. But his questions continued.

“But why aren’t you getting away?”

I didn’t answer, but the boy’s questions persisted. I took away the book I was reading and looked at his face and deliberated on the answer. Somehow he was more persistent than the boy in my memory.

Eventually I opened my mouth.

“Because I don’t want to.”

“Why?”

“Because there is no need to. And if I do get away, it would be even more painful. The tower would be better.”

The boy nodded at my answer. The seemingly understanding reaction made me wonder. The boy continued without having to ask.

“I also somehow like this place more. It’s more comfortable here.”

I could see the answer. Maybe the boy knew. There were no accusing gazes here. There were no people cursing and hurting him. I also liked to be trapped in the tower for that reason. There was also the fact that I didn’t have anyone to see outside, but the bigger motive was that I was free from the eyes of the world here. Nobody looked at me. Nobody swore at me. I didn’t hurt more.

This was the tower that locked me and the fence that protected me.

The fact that he understood this was pitiful. I felt sorry for the boy who would have wandered around looking for a fence to protect him.

“Then might the witch go out when the world gets better?”

I didn’t answer. That could never happened. Because I’m going to die. I’d rather die here than go out into the world. Nothing would make me happier than ending my life. However, I decided to keep my mouth shut for fear that telling the story would prevent the boy from killing me. Because the boy in my memory did not try to bestow me with the peace of death.

And the boy in front of me didn’t understand the fact that if I didn’t die, the sorrow of watching all those around me leave one by one would be unbearable for me. He didn’t seem to know that he was different from me because it was sure that he would die someday. But it was true that the pain of losing loved ones applied equally to both of us, the boy and the witch.

I couldn’t know when he’d find out.

*

I hesitated for a moment, not knowing what to teach him first. he was a boy who had crossed a hard way to be taught by me. I don’t think we have much time, so I need to start as soon as possible.

When I put down the book I was reading, the boy turned his eyes to me. I decided to check first. I wanted to see if I felt right. It was all the more so because it was unbelievable. But I can’t readily reach out my hand. I’m worried that he might get scared or run away saying that I’m an evil witch like the rest of them. Otherwise, he might get suspicious of the witch’s motives and deliver serve me a bigger blow.

I felt pathetic to be thinking that far. I can’t believe I’m even worried that I’ll get hurt.

The boy turned over to me as I kept staring at him. Looking at each other in the dark, it felt like time was running slower. Nevertheless, the boy’s red eyes met mine, unwavering, and waited for my mouth to open. I felt like a normal girl when I looked into those eyes. It seemed to be because he treated me as a person, not a witch.

I gathered up my courage in the boy’s eyes and raised my palm. And put it in front of the boy’s face.

“What do you see?”

The inside of the tower was filled with deep darkness, so it was difficult to distinguish anything from it. But the boy always pierced though that darkness. He acted as if it were no problem at all. And this time again, he tried to see something while looking at my palm.

“Well, I can’t see anything.”

On my palm clustered a darkness distinct from the darkness that was encroaching the inside of the tower, It clung together and scattered, repeating this motion again and again, breathing over and over again. Soon after, it came up, wrapped around my arm, in accordance with my will. Then again, it seeped into the other familiar darkness. I was controlling the darkness that existed in nature. I could have made it visible, but I purposely only moved my energy. However, he didn’t seem to feel this much.

Still, it shouldn’t be too difficult to feel it himself. He had a natural sense allowing him to walk in and out of the forest. It was never easy to feel the direction of sound and wind and melt into nature and become one with it.

“Then how about this?”

As I reached out to the boy, he flinched and shrugged, and soon realized his mistake and straightened himself. But I couldn’t even touch him. It was because the unintentional act portrayed the boy’s life until now. I saw the life he lead, always having to be anxious and protect his body. I was about to withdraw my outstretched hand.

“I was just startled a moment ago. What were you going to do? It’s alright. Try it.”

The boy grabbed my hand hurriedly and tightly. I set my eyes on the small hand holding mine. Only then did the boy, who realized what he had done, let go.

What a strange boy. He’s not afraid of me. In addition, he would take action first before asking if it was okay. I asked him for his permission before starting what I was going to do for him. I don’t know if he really believes me or if he just doesn’t care what happens to him.

Nothing can be deduced from the boy’s face. He’s just looking up at me with his stony eyes. A short sigh came out of his innocent and masked face. The boy in my memory looked almost like this except when he cried emotionally. At best, he frowned. It was hard to tell whether he was used to hiding his expression or he had lost them altogether.

“What’s wrong? Are you offended?”

It feels strange that a young warrior cares about the witch’s feelings. Still the young warrior is weak and warm. I was convinced that the warrior in front of me would not kill the witch. So I had to do better.

I put my hand on the boy’s shoulder. It was small. It was embarrassing that such a small and young boy had grown bigger than me. I tried to concentrate on my palm, shaking off the image in my memory.

“Huh?”

“What’s wrong with you?”

“I can feel something.”

“Can you explain what it feels like?”

“Well… it’s not cold, it’s not warm, but it’s not like there’s nothing… Anyway, there’s something.”

He was definitely sensitive. It’s not difficult if he could feel the energy. It was fortunate that he was starting to feel his energy and control it. Maybe he doesn’t know what he’s doing because he’s already doing it and no one’s teaching him.

That alone was a huge relief. I just wanted my prediction to be right.

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