To Live Again, For the First Time!

"We meet again, young lady." 

It was the old woman that Emilin had previously met on the bus that she took to get here. The one that informed her about the bad signal in this area of the mountain range, which prompted her to text her family before starting her hike on the trail.

​​

Emilin was restrained to a simple nod. Not expressing happiness nor annoyance, simply indifference, even if that\'s not how she felt deep down.

Emilin didn\'t falter despite this stiffening feeling in her heart, after all, her mind was clear on what was worse, having feelings and not being to express them, or not having feelings at all.

By comparison, her current troubles were not worth mentioning, after all, the previous obstacles in her heart had literally led to her death.

She was already lucky that she was able to express herself to her family, the ones who first showed her what kind of life she could and wanted to live.

The old lady just smiled, not commenting on Emilin\'s reaction or lack thereof.

She didn\'t ask before taking a seat on the rock next to Emilin, following her gaze into the distance.

Time flew by just like this and the sun had started moving towards the horizon. 

Both the young lady and the elder simply sat in silence, looking into the distance, and perhaps contemplating life.

They had come to a silent agreement to just look at the beautiful scenery.

Not long after the lady\'s arrival, Emilin took a few shots with the camera hanging around her neck as if the granny were not there.

It was only after three or four handfuls of minutes that the granny retracted her gaze that looked towards the horizon and directed it towards Emilin, who had yet to open her mouth this whole time.

"I wonder what a young lady like yourself is doing here so deep in the mountains alone." She asked, in a tone that suggested that she had thought about it for quite a while.

Emilin didn\'t respond immediately, not even looking in the old lady\'s direction. She let another minute or so pass, but in the silence, it felt like longer. Even so, the old lady didn\'t get impatient in any way whatsoever, but she did not move her gaze away from the young lady who seemed to be interesting enough either.

Not wanting to be too rude, Emilin pondered on the question before giving a reasonable answer.

"For fun?" Emilin responded, not quite convinced by her own answer.

"Haha, what\'s so fun about being here, out in the mountains? Is it not better to be in the comfort of your own home, watching television or scrolling through your phone?" The elder asked, with a smile that quite nearly reached her eyes.

"I like it here." Emilin\'s response this time was much more earnest.

The lady\'s smile widened. She could hear the sincerity in this young lady\'s voice.

\'What a rare child.\'

The old lady found Emilin\'s expression riveting. It was pure and innocent, but at the same time, it seemed to have facets of melancholy, eyes that reflected worries that were beyond the little girl\'s young age.

"Is that right?" She hadn\'t come here in a while, but she was very familiar with this area nonetheless. It wasn\'t every day that you would see a child this young and clean this far into the mountains. 

Someone who came purely for the natural environment was not too common around here, especially someone of Emilin\'s age group.

"But don\'t you youngsters have school starting right about now?" The old lady asked in a curious tone, still looking straight at the young girl who had now also turned her gaze her way.

Emilin gave the old woman a slight nod.

"I\'m taking some time off." She responded.

The elder knew that children of this age were rather sensitive and so she didn\'t want to ask any intrusive questions less this little lass would get the wrong idea, thinking that this old lady was being rude.

"If you don\'t mind me asking, would you tell me what year you\'re in?"

A more subtle way to ask for this young lady\'s age without being impertinent.

"I\'m going to be a freshman in college when I go back to school."

Emilin found that she had no trouble simply responding to these questions. Still, she had no way to start or keep a conversation. It was only because this elderly lady was kindly carrying the whole conversation that she was able to talk like this.

"My, you look so young. I guess I don\'t remember how students at your age looked like." The old lady mused.

Emilin didn\'t bother to correct the misunderstanding, after all, by the time she actually went to college, she would already be in the right age group. Plus, in the end, this lady was still a stranger. There was just no point, not to mention she was still having a hard time keeping up.

\'This is definitely something psychological,\' Emilin thought about her disorder.

She also subconsciously started doing some breathing exercises, which the old lady noticed.

\'Is there something wrong with this young lady? Maybe it\'s the reason why she\'s come all the way out here when she is at the age where she should still be going to school.\' 

\'Considering her actions so far, perhaps a social anxiety disorder or a mutation of it?\' the granny speculated.

\'My word, it isn\'t too nice of me to be speculating this young lass\'s mental condition like this.\'

"So, what do you want to study?"

The old lady felt like this young lass\'s character wasn\'t too bad, so she wanted to learn a little more about her. 

The mountains here were rather silent and peaceful, one of the characteristics that made it so beautiful, but it wasn\'t too bad to have someone to talk to.

Emilin looked down at her camera, holding it up to her eye.

"Photography." She responded softly, but determination laced her voice.

"That sounds nice. Photography. It can tell you a lot about a person. That is true for both the person taking the photo and the person whose photo is being taken. My, my, I\'m not too familiar with photography, but would you mind if this old lady takes a look at what you have taken so far?"

Emilin\'s brows furrowed a little, but she passed on her camera anyways after clicking the button that would allow the lady to scroll through the photos.

The old lady calmly looked through the camera roll, but her composure visibly deteriorated by the second, before it finally collapsed.

With Emilin\'s conviction and determination when saying that she wanted to learn camera work, she had assumed that Emilin would at least have some experience. 

But looking at this, she wasn\'t so sure anymore.

The old lady steadily glanced at the young lass\'s hands, which were as white as pearl. Clearly, she isn\'t plagued with essential tremors [1]. Her movements have always been steady.

\'Young lass, are you messing with me here? I wasn\'t expecting much, but isn\'t this too much?\'

There wasn\'t a single photo that wasn\'t tilted or blurry, if not both, but before her thought process went down that path any further, she stopped herself.

\'She doesn\'t seem to be an insincere lass. And she even came all the way into these mountains to take these photos. Perhaps she\'s the type of child that puts in a lot of effort and is unable to produce equivalent results no matter what.\'

\'It is not her fault, so I should not blame the child.\'

\'The world is truly not a fair place. There are children like these who work so hard yet get no results, and there are yet children who are gifted with results, not necessarily having worked as hard as this child.\'

\'Maybe this is why she has come to these mountains and hiked these hills and come so far. Is this also the reason for her shyness and social anxiety? Oh god, and I was being so rude with my speculations.\'

It had to be said that this elderly lady still had the vivid imagination of a teen, which did not conflict with the wisdom she had gained through old age.

In this old lady\'s head, she had already made up this whole plot, in which Emilin played this poor child who was as hard-working, if not more, than any other, but whose results were unable to keep up with her soaring determination.

If any of the people who knew Emilin could hear this old lady\'s thoughts, they might have all rushed to call 911 thinking this old lady had gone senile.

The Emilin, who had skipped 2 grades simply because she didn\'t want to go to class alone when she was young, the Emilin, who got first place across the board despite being 2 years younger than her peers without the need to spare a second to study, and the same Emilin, who had multiple national-level awards, just short of international level ones due to her disinterest, was now being thought of as a poor, hardworking, mentally handicapped young lass.

And these were only some of her surface-level achievements, not taking into account the ones that she had achieved undercover.

This was a truly sad moment for all those whose efforts had gone in vain, actually working hard, and still unable to surpass her.

Amen.

[1] Healthline: Essential tremor (et)- The most common cause of shaky hands is essential tremor. This neurological disorder causes frequent, uncontrolled shaking, especially during movement.