I’m Really a Superstar

Translator: Legge Editor: Legge

It was getting lively on Weibo!

"Wah, it\'s starting!"

"Come and watch Mango TV\'s opening dance! It\'s really good!"

"Zhejiang TV\'s broadcast is quite good as well!"

"Beijing TV\'s is average. The stage effects aren\'t all that good!"

"Mango TV is still the best at incorporating technology into their stage presentation! They\'re so rich! Don\'t you guys think their stage is almost at the level of Central TV\'s Spring Festival Gala? They must have really invested a lot into it!"

"Hunan is the best!!"

The netizens immediately started commenting with their opinions after the live broadcast started.

There were even people who kept surfing through the channels broadcasting Spring Festival Galas and made a summarized evaluation on them!

...

Zhang Ye\'s family had organized a feast at their house today.

Almost all of their relatives were here.

His maternal grandma kept asking, "Why hasn\'t Little Ye appeared yet?"

His maternal grandpa laughed and said, "What are you so anxious for? The first performance just started."

"Little Ye is slated for the sixth performance." His mother poured some tea for them. "He\'s going to come on very soon."

Chenchen stared at the television, unblinking.

His third sister sat there with Chenchen, stroking her head and saying excitedly, "Brother is appearing soon! Come on and appear quickly!"

...

Beijing Television.

Backstage, the staff were running in and out busily.

"Hurry up, Teacher Zhang!" A person was urging him for the fourth time. "We\'re already at the second performance! There\'s just 15 minutes to go!"

Zhang Ye was decorating some props a distance away and answered without turning around, "It\'s almost done!"

Yao Jiancai was also getting anxious beside him. "If it\'s not ready, why don\'t we push our performance back a little? Can we appear as the 10th performance instead? Or the 15th?"

That staff member said, "That won\'t do. The performances are all scheduled, so if we change anything, it will be totally messed up!"

Zhang Ye was used to such situations. "Don\'t worry, I\'m almost done."

...

The second performance began.

Then the third and the fourth.

The audience and netizens expressed their opinions on the galas.

"This year\'s satellite channels are really giving it their all!"

"Liaoning TV is impressive! The Heavenly King is coming out now! Hahaha!"

"This is an old song, but no matter how many times I listen to it, I can never get enough of it!"

"Liaoning TV\'s viewership rating is probably going to be the highest!"

"Dragon TV is not bad either. Their fourth performance is a skit! Hahaha, quickly go and watch. I highly recommend watching it. The skit is very funny, or at least better than the Central TV Spring Festival Gala skit!"

"Did you guys watch Zhejiang TV\'s crosstalk routine? It\'s on right now, but I think it\'s not really that interesting. These two crosstalk actors were probably quite popular five or six years ago, but they\'re quite irrelevant these days. Why does it seem like those crosstalk actors who were quite funny in the past always become irrelevant after they appear on a Spring Festival Gala stage?"

"It\'s inevitable. The crosstalk industry has been suffering in recent years and has long since reached a bottleneck. Moreover, a gala crosstalk is very difficult to perform since it won\'t be approved if there aren\'t any implications, criticism of current affairs, or singing of praises about the homeland. Such a stage requires more elegance and artistic qualities in the routines as well. In the past, Zhang Ye and Yao Jiancai were two of the more watchable comedians, but that might not apply to the Spring Festival Gala stage. When have you ever heard Zhang Ye perform a proper crosstalk routine anyway?"

"Go and watch Dragon TV now. The highlight performance of the night is beginning soon!"

"Is that so? I\'ll tune in and have a watch then."

"I won\'t be watching that. I just want to wait for Beijing TV\'s Spring Festival Gala crosstalk routine!"

"Yeah, Zhang Ye and Yao Jiancai will be coming on anytime now! I have a feeling that Zhang Ye will not disappoint me!"

"I don\'t carry much hope for it."

"Me too, but it\'s still worth a watch. If it\'s not good, I\'ll just switch channels."

"I wonder how many people are here today to watch Zhang Ye make a fool of himself. If his upcoming crosstalk routine is not performed well, just watch, there\'ll definitely be countless people coming out to criticize and ridicule him! It can\'t be helped since Teacher Zhang has offended so many people in the past. Everyone is just waiting for him to slip up!"

Beijing Television\'s Spring Festival Gala was heading into its fifth performance at this point.

"Soon! They\'re coming on next!"

"I\'m so nervous. Hopefully Teacher Zhang Ye\'s illustrious name won\'t be ruined on this stage today!"

"Whether it\'s Central TV or a provincial station, as long as it\'s a Spring Festival Gala stage, it\'s always been a crosstalk comedian\'s downfall in recent years. Whoever appears on one of these galas sinks into oblivion. It\'s become universal now. Besides, it\'s useless even if Zhang Ye joined this time since he doesn\'t know how to perform a proper gala crosstalk!"

"Let\'s just not watch it!"

"Haha, or we could just tune into Liaoning TV."

"There\'s still something to look forward to if Zhang Ye scolds people. But if he\'s not going to scold anyone? What\'s there to look forward to?!"

...

Beijing Television.

Chang Xiaoliang spoke into a microphone and implored, "Are they ready yet?"

Someone at the other end answered, "Teacher Zhang is ready! He\'s headed to the frontstage!"

"Hurry! It\'s time for them to go on!" Chang Xiaoliang said loudly.

At this moment, Beijing Television\'s fifth performance ended. On the stage for the language performance, Zhang Ye and Yao Jiancai had managed to arrive just in time at the last second.

When the Beijing Television people finally saw the shadow of their forms onstage, they heaved a long sigh of relief.

Hu Fei wiped away his sweat. "They\'ve finally made it!"

Xiao Lu who was trembling nervously said, "What a scare they gave us!"

Yao Jiancai was also panting a little as he quickly caught his breath.

The cameras pointed to where the hosts were.

Dong Shanshan, who was joyously dressed in red and smiling at the camera, said, "For the next performance, I believe that everyone who is watching their TV has been anticipating it for quite some time now."

The male host smiled and said, "Yes, this next performance is not to be trifled with."

Dong Shanshan: "A lot of the audience members have been anxiously waiting for it."

The male host: "Then let\'s quickly hand the stage over to the two of them."

Dong Shanshan announced, "Please enjoy the crosstalk \'Everything is Great,\' performed by Zhang Ye and Yao Jiancai."

The cameras immediately cut to the two of them!

A lot of the netizens who were watching the TV at home felt their hearts turn cold!

"What kind of a title is that?"

"Everything is Great?"

"Damn, so Zhang Ye is really going to do a traditional style crosstalk routine then?"

"I know that it\'s not going to be funny just by that title alone!"

"It\'s over! I have an ominous feeling about this!"

"\'Everything is Great\'? Why am I reminded of Central TV\'s Spring Festival Gala where Tang Dazhang\'s group did their \'Family Reunion\' performance? If that\'s how it is, then this will be really boring to watch!"

"See? This is what a gala crosstalk is! Every performer is the same and will always conform to the standards!"

"Hai, I don\'t look forward to this anymore!"

"Why did it turn out like this? Teacher Zhang, please don\'t do that!"

The netizens\' doubts were getting stronger!

At home.

His parents, who also heard the title of the crosstalk for the first time, were slightly startled by it.

Tang Dazhang was sitting in front of his television and tuned into Beijing Television as well.

His wife beside him frowned. "What are you watching him for?"

Tang Dazhang said, "I want to see how he\'ll do this!"

Master Xu, Master Lin, and many of those from the crosstalk world at odds with Zhang Ye had also switched to Beijing Television\'s channel.

And not to forget, Central TV\'s Spring Festival Gala production team.

"They\'re onstage!"

"Let\'s see what he\'s going to say!"

"Ha, and he ridiculed us? How laughable!"

"\'Everything is Great\'? Pfft!"

"Whether it\'s Central TV or a provincial station, whose Spring Festival Gala is not planned that way? Whose crosstalk is not performed that way? Do you still believe that you could have done it any other way? I would have liked to see that!"

Songstress Zhang Xia said to her children, "Has Little Zhang\'s crosstalk started yet? Quick, let\'s take a look."

Zhang Xia\'s son replied, "Everyone on the Internet is saying that Zhang Ye\'s crosstalk won\'t be worth watching."

Zhang Xia laughed. "We\'ll see for ourselves."

The couple, Chen Guang and Fan Wenli, had already turned their television on and were waiting for the crosstalk performance.

Meanwhile, Yu Yingyi, who was currently overseas and had a table tennis tournament to cover later, took some time out to check on Beijing Television\'s Spring Festival Gala live broadcast online.

Zhang Ye\'s fans.

Zhang Ye\'s friends.

Zhang Ye\'s foes.

At this moment, all of them were watching Beijing Television!

Actually, even Beijing Television\'s own staff and their Spring Festival Gala production team were fully focused and staring at the stage. This was because Zhang Ye had decided to make a last-minute change to the crosstalk script and they no longer had any control of how it would turn out. Even they did not know what Zhang Ye was going to say!

"Everything is Great"?

Zhang Ye even changed the title of the crosstalk?

These people from Beijing Television felt that they were about to get a heart attack!

...

In the center of the stage.

There sat a long table with two microphones on it.

Zhang Ye walked onto the stage calmly with his seasoned crosstalk partner.

"Good evening, everyone." Zhang Ye stood there smiling and said into the microphone, "Let us first wish everyone a prosperous new year!"

Yao Jiancai clasped his hands into a fist and palm salute and said, "Happy New Year!"

Zhang Ye said, "May you achieve everything your heart desires!"

The audience at the venue was still very enthusiastic, giving their most passionate applause. Like the netizens, they did not know what Zhang Ye would be performing in his crosstalk!

Zhang Ye smiled pleasantly and said, "Let me introduce myself. My name is Zhang Ye and I\'m a famous crosstalk comedian, as well as a famous host. I\'ve been a director before, worked on mathematical research, and also been involved in a wide variety of professions."

Yao Jiancai smiled and said, "That\'s right."

Zhang Ye gestured to the man next to him. "Beside me is my partner."

Yao Jiancai nodded. "That\'s right. Why don\'t you introduce me too?"

Zhang Ye introduced, "Bite Building Materials, Teacher Bite!"[1.]

This was a joke that had been used before, but no one was tired of hearing it. The entire live audience roared into laughter.

Yao Jiancai reeled back. "Who bites building materials!"

Zhang Ye blinked and spoke, "What?"

Yao Jiancai corrected, "I\'m not called that!"

Zhang Ye replied with doubt, "Ah? You\'ve changed your name?"

"Why would I change my name?"

"You\'re no longer biting building materials? What are you biting then? Bricks?"

Yao Jiancai roared in protest, "Why must I be biting anything at all! Do you want me to break all my teeth?!"

The audience laughed even harder!

"Pfft!"

"Hahaha!"

"This old pun has been revamped!"

"I almost died laughing!"

The opening bit immediately caught everyone\'s attention!

Zhang Ye chuckled. "It was just a small joke."

Yao Jiancai said in annoyance, "Then introduce me properly."

Zhang Ye reintroduced, "This is Teacher Yao Jiancai."

Yao Jiancai laughed. "There\'s no need for the honorific. I should be the one addressing you as Teacher Zhang instead. You\'re a true blue Peking University teacher."

Zhang Ye quickly waved it off. "Don\'t call me that. I don\'t deserve that title in front of you."

Yao Jiancai replied, "But that\'s how it should be."

Zhang Ye continued to wave it off. "Please don\'t, you\'re being too polite."

Yao Jiancai asked, "Then how should I address you?"

Zhang Ye pondered for a bit. "Well, you can call me Master Zhang, Great Director Zhang, Great Professor Zhang, or Great Host Zhang Ye. Any of those would be just fine."

The audience: "Pfft!"

Yao Jiancai threw his head back and rolled his eyes. "Oh, and that\'s not being too polite with you? Forget it, I\'ll stick to addressing you as Teacher."

Zhang Ye laughed and said, "Although you guys might see me and Teacher Yao bickering all the time, we\'re actually very good friends off the stage."

Yao Jiancai chuckled. "That\'s right, we\'ve known each other for quite a while now."

Zhang Ye gave a thumbs up. "Teacher Yao can claim to be my mentor and good friend. If I were to give a score to Teacher Yao, I would give him a ten for sure!"

Yao Jiancai quickly and modestly replied, "You\'re too generous. Am I really that good?"

Zhang Ye added, "But as for the remaining 9,990 points, I—"

Yao Jiancai was stunned. "Ah? You mean a full score is 10,000 points?"

Everyone in the audience burst into laughter!

"Hahahaha!"

"Ahahahaha!"

Wasn\'t this still Zhang Ye\'s same old style?

Wasn\'t he still able to perform without scolding others?

How enjoyable!

It was still as good as before!