Don’t Concern Yourself With That Book

When things were done incompletely, they often revealed the defects within them. Tired, Amor looked as if he did not realise it.

“Ah.”

“What?”

“It’s nothing. I’m afraid nothing is coming to mind.”

What was he talking about? Amor pouted before smiling weakly.

“If I do as you say, how much longer can I live for?”

The wrist that was revealed under his fluttering white clothing was thinner than a pencil. His fingers were also thin and delicate like the branches of white birch trees.

“I’m not sure.”

He reached out to the row of plants beside him and fiddled with their leaves. Leaves the size of a baby’s palm drooped before fluttering as they moved side to side. They seemed to be shuddering with joy. It was amazing how I could feel how they were feeling when they could not even speak.

“If you’re curious, try imitating them.”

Amor removed his hand from the leaves and placed his chin on his hands before saying.

“Do you not know? You can save yourself by pretending to be an idiot.”

“An idiot?”

“Yeah an idiot. You being stupid would bring much pleasure to my brother. Because it makes you not worth killing but still fun to watch.”

“Ah.”

Ah ah.

I remember now.

“This is a letter from his lord, Amor.”

On the day Castor killed me for the first time, I clearly remember receiving a letter from Amor.

To Amor, we must have only met 3 times but I had met him so many times now.

The letter.

Since the first death, the letter had never appeared again and as I continued to die, I had forgotten about it amid the fear and confusion.

Just like how when we read, we would only the major events and the general outline of the story. Amor’s letter was hidden in the corner and obstructed by things which I thought were more important. So I could not remember it right away but I gradually remembered everything.

“… My lord, is it not possible to survive away from the Crown Prince’s eyes?”

My heart was pounding. But I just blinked my eyes confidently as if I had not asked anything important and was just asking for snacks with a well-mixed dip.

“The chances of you meeting my brother is the same as a cat making bird noises. I have no idea what you’re so afraid of.”

“But what if he comes to see me?”

“What sin have you committed for my brother to look for a lady whose name he does not even know?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

Amor seemed tired of correcting my uncultured behaviour and decided that it was within his good graces to reply.

“….. You never listen to people when they talk. Yeah, I guess it could happen. If you managed to escape from his sight, my brother would just consider you dead. However, for as long as you live on this land, you can never escape from his powers.”

“Powers? What kind of powers?”

“It’s his… What, do you not know?”

“I’m asking because I don’t?”

A beautiful love story would not bother to include details about the sub-male lead’s powers, right? Although it was written that Castor had some special powers, all that was written was how he used it to save the female lead from danger or that he used it during the war. Instead of showing what his powers were, the author chose to focus on other parts of the story and did not consider this to be important.

‘More importantly, the one who won the war was the male lead of the novel, the King of Walter.’

However, it was clear that Castor had some strange powers.

‘Those eyes.’

I could tell when I encountered his unisexual golden eyes.

“My brother has the ability to fascinate people. The power of his God has the ability to fascinate another and delve into one’s minds.”

“Do you mean he is able to manipulate people?”

“Yes.”

Just as the saying went, history only recorded the winners. The stories of the defeated tyrant lacked a lot of details compared to the other main characters.

The love between the two main characters was so exclusive that Castor’s end was written in a flash just like the Trojan War. Due to the author’s insane editing ability, the end of the tyrant, who was the closest thing the story had to an absolute evil, did not feel tragic and instead just left the readers with the fact that the villain had died.

As the story progressed, it became increasingly clear how biased the author was towards the main character. So I had to read the novel very meticulously and squeeze out all the details the story provided. If I had read the story quickly, it would have been impossible for me to know this much.

“Get out.”

And I did not like Castor. I liked men who were handsome but also friendly and kind to me. My miniscule affection for Castor did not go beyond his physical appearance.

“Did you not hear me?”

“Huh?”

While I was lost in my thoughts, I could not hear Amor until he grabbed my wrist gently.

I was distracted by the grimace on Amor’s face as it caused his face to wrinkle up immensely.

“My brother’s coming.”

Perhaps it was because my thoughts had been too busy obsessing over Castor, but he sounded friendly.

With one glance at Amor’s darkened face, I got up.

Amor’s chambers were large as they included both a bedroom and a living room attached to each other. His bed was on my left as it was surrounded by lush green plants. As I walked towards the door, my gaze casually drifted to something I passed by.

“A painting?”

It was an old piece of tapestry that did not fit the rest of the room. It was beautifully woven as various colours were used for the illustrations. Although the waver’s skill left much to be desired, it was still woven cleanly and elegantly like a garden on a sunny day.

“The tapestry’s pretty.”

“….. My late mother made it.”

“I see.”

Even though her skills may be lacking, I could feel the bark of the woods and the delicate patterns of the leaves.

“Hold on.”

Just when I was about to grab the doorknob, Amor called out to me.

“Why are you addressing me so formally?” (1)

“Eh?’

What did he mean? I blinked my eyes and tried to guess what he was getting at but I could not read minds and I could not tell anything from that calm expression on his face.

I thought he was just being grumpy so I smiled a little.

“I’m just calling you as it is.”

If you and I were just commoners, we would have never met each other. Well, then you would not have been able to meet Rusbella, but would that not be better?

‘Then, he’d be free.’

He lowered his head and his bangs fluttered across his forehead.

“Are you done with your questions?”

He nodded his head playfully. I could not believe this kind of greeting was not against court etiquette.

Well, so what. It was not like I was going to live this time either.

I was the type to set a goal and run for it. Even if there was no way for me to reach my destination, I would even prop a ladder to reach it.

But after falling into this world of fiction that I had only read about, my life had been completely twisted.

The days I had spent running to survive faded in vain after being cut in the throat. Hundreds of times, I had wondered whether or not this was all worth it.

I hated to die again but the 10th day would come looking for me.

“You. Why do your eyes look dead?”

“What eyes?”

“The eyes of someone who’s not feeling fine.”

I slowly opened my eyes and noticed Amor with his cracked hands.

“I’m not sure… I think I’m fine.”

As I replied softly, I became lost in my own thoughts again.

‘Is this all because of a sick person’s touch?’

Come to think of it, it made sense. Back when my father was ill, he would often say similar things. He managed to guess that I had a cold. They must have been sensitive to wounds which allowed them to be like ghosts and recognise other sick people.

“I must be.”

I took a step away from Amor. As I took another step, I thought of the day I would see him again. Thinking of the letter he sent me, I tilted my head and frowned.

Would that help me get out of here?

Well, I did not know.

What would happen now?

I was the type to contemplate for a long time before doing anything. Once I decided, I would rush in before the adrenaline from my decision fades. Tomorrow would be the 10th. I would be fine.

I smiled.

I mean, actually, it was not fine at all… I did not think I had ever been fine.

I touched the doorknob. As if it had been waiting, the door swung open and a warm wind blew.

“See you.”

Though I did not know whether I would be seeing you tomorrow or the day before.

***

On such a sunny day, the skies on the 10th day of the month of Habermia was as clear as ever.

It reminded me that the weather and the scenery did not change and were the same as before.

During the first 10 days, I recalled the letter I received from Amor. At that time, before I could even question the contents of the letter, Castor came and I died. Why did I not remember it?

The answer arrived soon.

“Amor’s the best person I knew while Castor’s the craziest bastard I’ve ever met.”

But since I had failed so many times now, I was not so sure.

This had happened before. During my 28th regression, I had spent the entire day wandering the Teret Palace like some persistent stalker. I questioned the maids before finding out that Castor liked tea made from Sorella, a plant from the north.

And the next day, when I presented him with a cup of tea that I had so desperately obtained, I was drenched in the same tea before dying. It was then I realised.

There was no point changing myself in front of Castor.

Was pleasing him such an issue? As if to remind me that nothing would change, every single time without fail, I would die in his hands and he still remained that bastard I knew him as.

I was sick and tired of it.

What was the point of this repetitive life?

I was still not sure if I had found a clue in this endless repetition that I had yet to notice. But the constant doubts I harboured and the questions I repeatedly asked myself bothered me.

Would this gruesome chain of events finally end? Well, I had no clue. The clue I had been looking for had not appeared like a surprise gift like I was hoping. Well, I would be quite flustered if it were to.

However, the clue I needed so desperately that I was grasping at straws right now was like sunlight in a room. There was no way I could turn a blind eye to it. And after feeling helpless for so long, it was only a matter of time I would have gone crazy and resorted to this.

I decided to do what I had been continuously thinking about since last night.

I smiled wistfully at the maid wearing white who was running from afar. I realised my walk ended here.

“My lady!”

I tied my hair using a black ribbon. I could not stand Hannah’s touch at first but now I was so used to it that it felt weird tying it myself.

“….. What a liar. He wasn’t even that sad.”

Coincidentally thinking about all their deaths again, I lost the taste in my mouth.

It was sad of me to have gotten used to my death but it would have been horrifyingly disgusting of me to get used to the deaths of the people around me.

Nevertheless, I asked them to wear these black ribbons to help prevent more deaths. It was my way of mourning them since I could not even hold funerals for them. Because the ones who died were different from the ones I saw today.

“T-ther’es a big problem! My lady! Hurry!”

My 40th 10th day thus began.

T/N:

(1): Okay so all this while, Ashley had been addressing him using ‘My Prince’ or ‘My lord’ at every sentence she spoke. If I were to add that to her speech, their conversations would not really run smoothly but at this point, Amor was asking her why she keeps addressing him as ‘My Prince’ so I left it like this.