Don’t Concern Yourself With That Book

She died countless times in the plains. She had been struck by the border patrols’ stray arrows and stabbed by their swords. She would get an infection from her open wounds before dying, or killed by a band of passing bandits and she had once also died of starvation. But each time she came back to life, she got stronger.

“I needed someone to lend me their strength so I worked tirelessly to find them.”

She had wandered across the continent. To find the right person for her goals. Finally, she found that person in the Academy. The 1st Prince of the Kingdom of Walter. He was a wise and intelligent man.

“I am Rusbella. What about you?”

“… Slon.”

The space framed the two standing before each other like a screen. That scene that seemed to have been filled to the brim with sweetness was a scene from the <Light of Rusbella> I was familiar with, or believed that I was familiar with.

“After regressing hundreds and thousands of times… I’ve lost count of the number of years I’ve lived. That was why I thought nothing would surprise me anymore.”

But as I watched the scenes, I noticed something new. When she was with the Prince of Walter, she could live without dying. No, it seemed like death was avoiding her on purpose.

I wondered if she was too lost in her emotions to bring herself to speak or was I overthinking this?

“For my foolish self, that life had become too precious to me…”

Rusbella whispered softly.

Now, instead of searching for where Rusbella could possibly be speaking from, I focused on the scene she was showing me. Even if I was not focusing on the scene, I was unable to take my eyes away from the smile on that face that was so similar to mine.

I knew the reason why. I understood how hard it was to bring yourself to smile brightly after those countless deaths. The happiness being with her lover from the screen that I had unwittingly hoped for her too came to an end shortly after.

“Welcome to the Empire.”

Familiar scenes unfolded.

“I am Castor. As you are already well aware, I am the owner of this Empire.”

Upon Castor’s entrance, I muttered.

“Is this what was written in the novel? I mean, is this what happened in what I think to be the <Light of Rusbella>?”

“…..”

After a short pause, Rusbella continued.

“Well, it’s not the simple love story you’re familiar with. The memories I had left you had adapted.”

“Adapted?”

She didn’t reply but I was sure she was agreeing through her silence. And I knew almost immediately what she meant by adapt. What was different from what was written in the novel was the relationship Rusbella had with Castor.

“You, you’re an Heir to the Lord, aren’t you?”

While he might have been oblivious before, Castor realised that she was an Heir to the Lord when she appeared before him as Rusbella. His powers could not be manipulated at will when used against another Heir to the Lord. Rusbella murmured to herself. Hearing what Rusbella had to say, I turned to Castor.

Contrary to what I thought I knew, what they had was not love. There might be whispers of love but their eyes were empty and dull. Castor had become fixated on something other than Rusbella’s beauty and abilities.

“Do you desire me?”

“No.”

Castor smiled languidly.

“I have no need for someone with the same eyes as mine.”

Thud.

Castor thrusted his sword at the ground beneath his feet. I stared at the bodies he had ravaged. The victims of his momentary desire for excitement. It was true that he was a tyrant. It was just that contrary to what I knew, he had not been in love with her.

“I am drawn to you. This must be another one of those darned gods’ pranks.”

Castor had grown obsessed with Rusbella’s ‘power’. He even tried to kill her for fun. They had the same powers so what else could he do? That was where his obsession with her began.

On one rainy night, ‘Ashley Rosé’ had turned her back and left her palace. Afterward, just as I expected, war came. Finally, as blood stained the Empire, its thousand years worth of land was destroyed. Rusbella killed the man who did not look like would die even if she were to exert all her strength.

“Are you really dead now? Or will I see you again?”

“You mean, an eternal death.”

The golden eyes that shone with unwavering madness even in the face of death turned to face her.

“… Ah, right. I’ll be seeing you again.”

Both of them shared a wordless judgement only those with repeated regressions could have. The moment Castor’s eyes closed shut, the victory was Walter’s. This was the end of the novel I was familiar with.

“Victory should have been mine…”

Then, Rusbella’s voice cut in.

“With everything over, could I be happy?”

My shoulders shuddered. As if she had just woken up from her sleep, her voice sounded clearly hostile and sullen.

“No. I died. There was no reason behind it either. No one killed me either. It was just that the moment Castor died, I returned to the past. And after going through everything again, I learned something new.”

“…..”

“We were fated to die and kill until the fate of this Empire comes to an end.”

A black liquid began pouring into the space. The liquid that swept the soles of my feet instantaneously felt sticky and viscous. I instantly knew that this was blood.

“The Empire had been the Lord’s a long time ago but the said god wanted to die. In order to do so, he had to exhaust all his strength which also meant the destruction of this county. Because this land is the Lord.”

The blood was coming up to my ankle now.

“For the god’s powers to completely drain out, destruction that would only occur once in a lifetime was needed. Repeated destruction accumulating countlessly with bodies piled atop each other and only at the end of it all will god die.”

Rusbella’s voice was getting closer.

“Both he and I are tools used to destroy this Empire. The two monsters who will continue to regress until they run out of power. We are pulled to each other through our instincts and are fated to kill each other. He knows that and so do I.”

Finally, she whispered in my ear.

“That attraction was never love.”

A huge box appeared in the pitch black space. What I thought to be a box turned out to be a black altar. As I got used to the darkness, I realised that I was standing in the middle of a temple. Huge black pillars I had never seen before and mosaic with occasional cracks in it. I noticed a wilting daffodil.

“God, hear me plea, please. Please stop this hellish life. Why do I have to die? Why! Why! Why… What has this country even done for me…”

Rusbella howled.

“Why have I never lived past 18 years old?”

Kneeling on the ground, she glared at the sky as she laid her resentment bare. Screaming and crying, she threw up her tears.

Thump. Thump. As my heart pounded at the sight of Rusbella, just when she leaned forward.

“Alright…”

She raised her head gently before muttering with a pale face.

“Dear god. Bring me a soul that can carry out my fate in my stead.”

Red tears flowed down her cheeks. Even with her veins about to pop and her tears endlessly flowing down her face, the god she had turned to gave no answer. Heh. Rusbella gradually cackled.

“No. You would never do anything for me. I can find one myself, can’t I?”

She smiled while crying.

“You can’t fault me. You can never.”

Just then, I made eye contact with the Rusbella kneeling in the space.

“I then brought you over from another world.”

As she slowly approached me, I retreated. I was getting a headache. I strained my eyes so that I wouldn’t become distracted by the headache but I was already hearing strange sounds.

Squeak–

The sound of wheels screeching against asphalt. I knew what was happening. My back felt cold. It was wet.

‘… This smell is blood.’

Was I lying down? No. This was just a hallucination. I was lying there lifeless. And the person shouting next to me…

“… Ahn! Ahn! Get it together! … Ahn!”

“… Yumi?”

My long-lost friend was shouting at my corpse. For some reason, I was unable to hear my full name that she was shouting. The noise gradually muted. As the entire scene seemed to move away from me endlessly, even the hallucination became a mirage before disappearing. Behind the broken mirage stood Rusbella who looked as polished as an old stone statue.

“In the end, that novel was just a description of one of your many lives.

“… Yes, the <Light of Rusbella> you’re familiar with is one of my thousands of lives. I picked one out of the many lives I had lived and instilled memories of it within you. So that you can adapt to this world as naturally as possible.”

At the end of her sentence, she looked sad for a moment but that expression disappeared faster than it appeared.

“… So, you’re saying that the life I’ve lived so far has not been out of my own will?”

“No. This is your life, Ashley. However, the curse of repeating your deaths that you had experienced was my curse and the story you’ve read in that novel is the truth and it’s mine. The story of the ‘Ashley Rosé’ standing before you.” She laughed before continuing, “At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter since I’m you and you’re me.”

“If I had taken over your body…”

I glared at her.

“Then who is standing before me?”

Rusbella tilted her head. Her gold-coloured eyes curled appealingly. As if she thought that was a good question.

“Two souls cannot exist in one body. So, you merged with a part of my soul so my remaining ego had to disappear somewhere.”

She pressed her hand into her chest before saying.

“But how?”

My mutter caused Rusbella to burst into laughter. Her smile felt empty without warmth.

“But strangely enough, your fate branched from mine.”

Staring at me, she walked up to me.

“Why didn’t you die right when you were born?”

“… What?”

“Why didn’t she kill you? And all of you…”

Rusbella must have been talking about Auresia. She glared at me. With vehement anger and hatred.

“Why were you loved and not me?”

“…..”

“You took my body, my fate and even a part of my soul. Why were you able to receive what I’ve been deprived of for so long? Why have you only lived once?”

She grabbed my shoulders before leaning into me.

“You’re supposed to be me…”